u/Desperate_Inside_119

I (20) have been living on my own for a while now. I pay my own rent, I work, and I’m currently interviewing for a second job to make sure I never have to rely on my family again. Despite this, my family treats my independence like it’s a joke. My stepdad has literally told me multiple times that I’m “not an adult,” and they constantly pressure me to move back home so they can “support” (control) me.

I’ve been in therapy for a few months now specifically to deal with the mental toll they’ve put on me, but a recent trip to Hawaii reminded me why I left. This is just a tiny piece of the years of "shit" I’ve dealt with from them:

- We went on a 4-mile hike. I was the only one who actually prepared and brought water. I shared some with my siblings but kept enough for myself to stay hydrated. I was yelled at and told I wasn't being "nice" because I didn't give it all away.

- My mom texted me for water while I was at the top, but I didn't see it until we were back at the car. When she finally met up with us, she started screaming at me for not waiting for her at the peak. I told her we were just heading down and she could join us. Then, my sister made a random meme reference. I finished the joke. My mom immediately assumed we were making fun of her and started screaming even more. I finally snapped and told her I’m done with her shit and not everything is about her. She immediately played the victim.

- My stepbrother and I walked the rest of the way down in the heat with no water. When we got to the car, my stepdad and little sister were sitting in the AC in a tight convertible. I asked my stepdad nicely if he could move his seat up so we could sit in the back and get out of the sun. His response? “Nah, I’m good.” I lost it, called him a “child,” and slammed the door. My stepbrother and I had to sit in the heat for another 20 minutes waiting for my mom to come down.

- Whenever I use logic to point out a double standard (like how my stepdad makes crude jokes about wearing women's underwear but I'm "uncourteous" for defending my hygiene) they hide behind "Respect your elders." My mom tells me I “always need the last word” and my grandma says I “always want to be right.”

I don’t take bullshit or lies lightly. I’ve reached a point where I yell back because I’m done being policed by people who are completely inconsistent. Now I’m the "argumentative" one. Is it "toxic" to demand that respect be a two-way street? I feel backed into a corner and I just need to know if I'm actually the problem here.

TL;DR: I’m 20, independent, and in therapy, but my family treats me like a child, ignores my basic needs (like water/AC), and then labels me "argumentative" when I finally react to their hypocrisy.

I (20) have been living on my own for a while now. I pay my own rent, I work, and I’m currently interviewing for a second job to make sure I never have to rely on my family again. Despite this, my family treats my independence like it’s a joke. My stepdad has literally told me multiple times that I’m “not an adult,” and they constantly pressure me to move back home so they can “support” (control) me.

I’ve been in therapy for a few months now specifically to deal with the mental toll they’ve put on me, but a recent trip to Hawaii reminded me why I left. This is just a tiny piece of the years of "shit" I’ve dealt with from them:

- We went on a 4-mile hike. I was the only one who actually prepared and brought water. I shared some with my siblings but kept enough for myself to stay hydrated. I was yelled at and told I wasn't being "nice" because I didn't give it all away.

- My mom texted me for water while I was at the top, but I didn't see it until we were back at the car. When she finally met up with us, she started screaming at me for not waiting for her at the peak. I told her we were just heading down and she could join us. Then, my sister made a random meme reference. I finished the joke. My mom immediately assumed we were making fun of her and started screaming even more. I finally snapped and told her I’m done with her shit and not everything is about her. She immediately played the victim.

- My stepbrother and I walked the rest of the way down in the heat with no water. When we got to the car, my stepdad and little sister were sitting in the AC in a tight convertible. I asked my stepdad nicely if he could move his seat up so we could sit in the back and get out of the sun. His response? “Nah, I’m good.” I lost it, called him a “child,” and slammed the door. My stepbrother and I had to sit in the heat for another 20 minutes waiting for my mom to come down.

- Whenever I use logic to point out a double standard (like how my stepdad makes crude jokes about wearing women's underwear but I'm "uncourteous" for defending my hygiene) they hide behind "Respect your elders." My mom tells me I “always need the last word” and my grandma says I “always want to be right.”

I don’t take bullshit or lies lightly. I’ve reached a point where I yell back because I’m done being policed by people who are completely inconsistent. Now I’m the "argumentative" one. Is it "toxic" to demand that respect be a two-way street? I feel backed into a corner and I just need to know if I'm actually the problem here.

TL;DR: I’m 20, independent, and in therapy, but my family treats me like a child, ignores my basic needs (like water/AC), and then labels me "argumentative" when I finally react to their hypocrisy.