u/Desperate-Sleep-6302

I (24M now 25) got out of the navy august of 2024. Met my ex(25F now 26) Feb of 2025 and she broke up with me June of 2025. It’s been a pretty challenging year for me. I’ve never had someone say they would’ve married me twice but break up with me and accuse me of cheating. I’ll just list what transpired all within the week that caused this to happen:

1. I accepted a friend request and had a catch up convo with someone who I didn’t date or have any intentions with when I met them around August of 2024. She worked at the weed dispo (I don’t smoke anymore) and I just needed stuff to calm my anxiety when I got out the navy. We exchanged socials and we just would talk here and there. She sent me a friend request on Snapchat (I no longer have an account) and so I accepted it and we were catching up with each other. My ex sees the notification come in on my phone and she was uncomfortable with it so I removed the person, apologized, and told them there wasn’t any intentions with her now or when I met her. What ur asking is reasonable and I’m a reasonable person. I’m sorry for this. She said “maybe I don’t have the place to say this but you did tell me that u met this person before our relationship, she was clearly flirting w u when she gave u the info (I didn’t know my ex at the time of the interaction and it also wasn’t a flirting type of one) and it makes me a tad uncomfortable if I’m being honest”

2. I got sun poisoning from the beach when we were there(same day as Snapchat incident). I had to call out of work 2 days in a row cuz it was so bad. I had also agreed to mow my mom’s lawn (my ex and I both lived w our parents still in separate houses). I kept my mom up to date with my sun poisoning and said I would mow it on Tuesday when I got back from work. My mom came home from her trip on Monday night and went off on me for not doing it. In convo my ex asked how my mom’s trip was. I told her how my mom got really mad at me for not mowing the lawn when I had sun poisoning and my ex said “you broke your word to your mom… that’s not a good enough excuse and you should’ve done it on Wednesday when u got off from work when u told me u were bored”

3. my ex was arguing with me about it I fell asleep cuz I was so tired and had to be up for work at 4am. I didn’t text her the usual good morning until 11 am when I went on break. I texted her again at 3 asking her how her day went and she didn’t answer and then I texted her around 6-7pm cuz at that point I felt like she was ignoring me so I texted her a text I would’ve liked to have received From her. She said to me “you ignored me for 14hrs (9pm to 11am) we need to talk tomorrow. No houses”.

4. when we met up she called me lazy, said I needed to be a better son, and when I said I wanted to use my navy benefits to go to college and work full time she said “you don’t have to go to college to be successful, how are you going to raise a family, school and work full time, my dad didn’t go to college and look how he turned out”

5. I keep thinking back to this very moment, I should’ve remembered before I accepted the friend request what she said when I showed her immediately in the car a random # texted me about how the Yankees were doing: the only reason she is reaching out to you is because she wants to fuck you, that’s the only reason. Idc if u have female friends from before me but I don’t want u talking to random girls. The person who sent me the friend request we were acquaintances and would talk occasionally on social media because we knew of each other in a non-romantic, & in a platonic way. My ex said she told me in the beginning if she ever felt like she was getting cheated on she couldn’t do it since it’s what she went thru with her ex fiancé her abused her mentally, physically and emotionally for the engagement they were in before me

She broke up with me. She said stuff like “why would you add another girl back when u have a gf” and “idk what u guys talked about” also Said she didn’t want to and would’ve married me and was deeply in love with me but what I did hurt her and she said I cheated on her. I offered everything to fix it. I told her I’d delete the app for our relationship to which she said “no you don’t have to id feel bad” and “I hope your family doesn’t think I’m crazy for this”. In the car I tossed my phone to her unlocked and she refused to go through it. We met a week later where again she said she would’ve married me at a coffee shop talk. She said we could get back together slowly and talk. She said she needed time. I gave her 2 weeks of time like she said. She was going out clubbing in NYC every night in the summer and she also drunk called me on the way back from a concert. I texted her a few days before she said we could go out to dinner and she said “I wish I was ready I really do but I told you I needed time and space to heal and I felt like you didn’t give me that”. I unfollowed her Instagram immediately and unshared my location as my cousin told me to. He also said don’t reply to her cuz she strung me along for basically 3 weeks. I however replied a week later just thanking her for our time together and wished we could’ve talked about this further and if she wanted to continue with us she knows where to reach me. Texted her again a week later. Nothing. A month after that I offered to help her with her classroom since school was starting for her. Nothing. I never heard from her again.

My cousin who worked with her(coincidentally we matched on bumble and they both knew each other) and my therapist both told me I didn’t do anything wrong (and countless others) and that she was just so fucked up from her last relationship where she was abused physically, emotionally and mentally that she projected it all on me. I treated her great and on my 3rd date when she told me all of this I told myself “ur not like that other guy, if u treat her well it’ll be fine”. 11 months later and so many people (like ALOT of people) told me she wasn’t ready for a mature relationship and that I handled it correctly when discomfort came about. My therapist said I dodged a bullet big time. Idk why I still feel like I’m the one to blame. He said her reaction was disproportional and nuclear as well as being a very controlling person and if I was still to be in that relationship I would’ve had to shrink who I was and walk on eggshells. The whole “I would’ve married you” and “you cheated on me” things have just fucked me up so badly. I’m about to be coming off my Zoloft soon. I’ve noticed I write these anxious things on Reddit when I’m on it vs the last 2 days of me not taking it. It’s weird

My therapist also said I handled the situation correctly and it’s ok to have friends of the opposite gender cuz you’re going to meet people at work etc. my philosophy is that you shouldn’t hangout 1:1 with them and if your female friend or co worker sends u a flirty text u stop texting them right there. My ex said “you told me she was flirting with you”. First off. I never said those words and I remember the convo clear as day. 2ndly I wouldn’t entertain any other women in that way. If someone was flirting w me I would tell them to stop. The first text I replied to that person was “hey I’m about to go to the beach with my gf. What’s up”

A lot of people my age and older still use Snapchat. I no longer have an account. Everyone someone asks if u use it and I say no they look at me all funny and weird. My therapist said it wasn’t the app that caused it. It was the person that caused the reaction

Very wasted at a Bach party. But she broke up with me over a snap friend request that I accepted from someone I knew way prior to my relationship (no Romantic intent on both sides) and she accused me of cheating, said she would’ve married me twice and said we can get slowly back together but said she needed time and space ro heal. She was my first gf. (24m now 25 happened a year ago basically). Never heard from her again

25M that got out of the navy after 5 years of service (2019-2024). I’m currently an engineer that works in a garbage power plant working 12 hr rotating shifts days and nights. I thought it would be different from the navy but it’s almost a carbon copy. I don’t like the lifestyle or the ego driven borderline alcoholic drunks that have a horrible family life and their entire life is work that I work with.

I’m from Long Island(Suffolk county) and I plan to get my dual degree in health and physical education from Liu post. I’m in my first year at Suffolk and this time next year I’ll be done with it(only there for a year cuz I’m taking alot of classes) and on to LIU. I’m taking 16-18 credits a semester to get this done in 2.5 years. I want to teach at the high school level of health and phys ed and get as many certs as I can. I have a few connections in some districts as well as my mom just retiring from teaching. I want to have a good family life as I’m a family oriented person so that’s a big reason as to why I want to make the Career change as well as my way of life. When I start teaching I’ll have 3 incomes: teaching, rental property, va disability rating from issues I’ve had in the navy so I’ll be making a little more then the avg first year teacher until I get my masters & more then im making now without working as much hours and the unhealthy conditions. How much would my veteran experience be valued in the hiring process ?

This may sound corny but I just want to influence the younger generation into really trying their best at a young age. There are a few teachers of mine I wish I could go back and thank them.

Any advice and shared experiences would be appreciated. I hope I am making the right decision.