u/Designer_Big9021

Hi, I am a 23f and i’m so scared and so sad. I had a routine dermatologist appointment, thinking not much of it i went in and had 6 moles removed. for some reason i was preoccupied and didn’t even think to care about it. now 4 of those came back as severely atypical needing excisions. dumb me, i decided to look it up. now i am absolutely CONVINCED i have melanoma or will get it and that i will die from it. ive seen 4 dermatologist, and it doesnt help that each one has found a new friggin mole to take off. i’ve now had 10 biopsies and they think i have something called dysplastic nevus syndrome which means I make weird moles and that i am high risk for melanoma. everyone is so chill about it like yeah you make weird moles all good, see you in 3 months. i’m literally dying inside every day. i cannot function, i am not present for my family. i have horrible intrusive thoughts about my death, my family being left behind. it’s been absolutely tearing me apart inside. i am so scared, nothing can take me out of it.

What does this mean, am i doomed? i’m so scared - terrified i will miss something.

If you can’t tell, i’m clearly DESPERATE for reassurance. my therapist would kill me for doing this but i need to hear someone else’s experience and know I will be ok. Recently i have been having the worst time of my ocd i’ve ever experienced. I’ve had ocd all my life, gone through a ton of themes including harm, pocd, rocd honestly you name it i’ve had it. none of these themes have felt as real as this one tho.

I had a routine dermatologist appointment, thinking not much of it i went in and had 6 moles removed. for some reason i was preoccupied and didn’t even think to care about it. now 4 of those came back as severely atypical needing excisions. dumb me, i decided to look it up. now i am absolutely CONVINCED i have melanoma or will get it and that i will die from it. ive seen 4 dermatologist, and it doesnt help that each one has found a new friggin mole to take off. i’ve now had 10 biopsies and they think i have something called dysplastic nevus syndrome which means I make weird moles. everyone is so chill about it like yeah you make weird moles all good, see you in 3 months. i’m literally dying inside every day. i cannot function, i am not present for my family. i have horrible intrusive thoughts about my death, my family being left behind. it’s been absolutely tearing me apart inside. i am so scared, nothing can take me out of it.

what can i do, what have you done to help you in your worst ocd spiral? i need some rationality to ground me because right now im convinced the 4 doctors missed something, that i have melanoma and its spreading or that i will get it and die. ugh screw ocd i literally cannot.