u/Dependent_Run_7964

1.) he stealthed me in the middle of our relationship
2.) he would shower like every three days
3.) he said washing his hands after using the bathroom was fundamentally changing him.
4.) he admitted to only really washing his hands around me because it made me happier. ( I tried to explain hygiene to a 26 male )
5.) he often had really bad breath, it smelled like literal shit.
6.) excessive farting and burping.

Yeah that’s maybe why I wasn’t falling over myself to being your arms.

(25f) This was my first relationship. I ended things because he sexually assaulted me. He didn’t want to wear a condom, and I said no to unprotected sex, and he penetrated me anyways. I had to stop him and ask if he had kept the condom on, and he hadn’t. I was sitting with this for months. We definitely had other issues, I struggled to be intimate with him, he often had really bad breath. He has a CNC and dykebreaking kink, and told me that he wouldn’t bring stuff like that into our sex life. But I feel like the assault was him trying to fulfill a CNC fantasy.

I texted him everything I felt, and he just said ok. Other people were saying I needed to have a proper conversation with him, i tried to but he wanted nothing to do with me. The pain and heartbreak was unbearable and I told him how much pain I was in, and how much I missed him. I was feeling so low, and wanting the pain to stop that I told him if he could apologize and work with me maybe we could reconcile.

He told me he wasn’t even upset about the text. He was feeling withdrawn over our relationship already, and because I physically struggled to be intimate with him at points in our relationship, he doesn’t want to keep trying.

I know I betrayed myself by letting him know I still wanted him, and I was in so much pain. But I haven’t experienced anything like this before.

I just really need to hear words of support, and how to navigate this traumatic breakup.

He was my first partner. I had to break up with him, he sexually assaulted me. We started dating when I was 24, I’m turning 26 next month. I have always been nerdy, fat, and not that fashionable. I’m also a POC, in white spaces. So in general I’m ignored and cast aside the majority of the time. My first relationship and I’m getting angry at my conventionally attractive friends telling me I’ll find someone else. I don’t believe them. I believe it’ll take another 24 years or me going through significant weight loss in order to attract someone I actually want to be with. Please don’t tell me looks don’t matter, we know how the world is. I can’t turn around without people bashing fat people, I’ve literally lost opportunities bc I’m not attractive enough. I’m getting myself mentally prepared to be alone for a significant amount of time, or keep trying and being treated horribly.

This happened months ago, and we’ve had sex since. What’s triggering all of this is my best friend recently reported a rape perpetrated by someone they were friends with at the time. I sat with them as they recounted everything to the police, and I’m helping them through the whole process. I woke up again with this at the top of my mind. My boyfriend stealthed me. We were having sex, I clearly said no to sex without a condom. I remember saying no clearly and firmly. I thought he understood, I didn’t realize outside of my view he had taken the condom off. I stopped and asked, wait do you have a condom on- because it felt different, and he said no and started getting flustered and apologized etc. I remember driving home and feeling really angry and then I suppressed it. I’ve been suppressing it, the I’ll have moments where I get really angry and need space and I won’t know why, but this is why. He said yesterday he feels like I haven’t been as communicative and if we’re ok. And I said yes yesterday and I felt fine, but again, the first thought I had this morning as I woke up is “he stealthed you. You looked up stealthing, you know what that means.” But I continued the relationship, I’ve had no condom sex with him after the fact when I started birth control. Won’t I sound insane for wanting to end the relationship for something that happened months ago and I didn’t address it ?h

Update: I went ahead and broke up with him

1.) we don’t put sleeves on drinks unless it’s a venti or it has hot water. As a rehire, it just makes the drink look naked and 70% of the time people are asking for a sleeve anyways so it lengthens drive times. I got reprimanded for putting sleeves on drinks at window ?????
2.) writing on cups crap. I worked at a kiosk and a corporate store, I wrote on the cups at the kiosk, but it was much slower. This whole thing is disruptive.
3.) extremely limited wardrobe. I loved dressing up and having clothing options, now were reduced to black.
4.) false culture/ revenue priorities. We were allowed to turn off deliveries if things got too stressful. There was a two person play at a a very busy store, my ssv is getting fired for turning stuff off.
5.) these new drinks are ridiculous. This isn’t a coffee shop anymore, it’s more adjacent to a boba tea place that happens to sell coffee.