u/Dependent_Home_1733

I don't even know what to say. I was kicked out at 18 from a physically/emotionally abusive household because I wanted to go to University. Was homeless the summer of my freshman year, wandered the streets n occasionally slept on the floor of a friends place or at the shelters. Around Sophmore year, I started having pretty bad mental health problems, was hospitalized and admitted to the ICU, lost my University scholarship entirely, and was billed a stupid amount by the hospital that provided my care.

I'm now facing another summer of homelessness and anxiety. I'm so exhausted with constantly fighting to be okay. I really need advice, or just anyone to talk to. Anyone at all.

I don't even know what to say. Kicked out at 18, I've lost my university scholarship, facing another summer of homelessness. I really need advice, or just anyone to talk to. Anyone at all.

Hello. This is going to be a fairly long post, but I really desperatly need advice from anyone who has two seconds and some wisdom. Literally any sort of advice, life advice, health advice, anything, as I was disowned for leaving for college. Also, there are some really rough and triggering things in this chunk so bare with me.

Some context.

I'm a 19f, I come from a pretty strict upbringing. Growing up, my mother would physically and emotionlly punish us for just about anything (dad was gone long hours). She'd make us strip and whip us, slap us around, clean for hours. We weren't allowed to make friends with other kids, and the emotional abuse was pretty rough. Furthermore, my oldest brother sexually abused me from a pretty young age until I was around 13/14. At 16/17, I ran way but cps got involved and dragged me back.

That summer my parents took me out of the country to their home country, threatened to marry me off, and threatened my life if I didn't obey them. I came back to the US, managed the rest of highschool really well and got a full ride to a pretty good university out of state So at 18, I ran away again, though I guess I was of age so I was just leaving the family, and Iwent to college with that full ride against my parents wishes. It went well enough but I spent my freshman summer in and out of emergencyy housing at my university (So I wasn't always homeless but I was occasinally displaced that summer, would sleep on the train/beach. They wanted me to pay upwards of 3k for summer housing, which I didn't have.)

Being homeless exposed me to so much. So so much. There were bad nights, including a night where I was unfortuantly assaulted on the train. But it gets worse, because around summer finishing and the beginning of sophormore year, my mental health struggles got extremely bad. I failed classes for the first time in my life, and was considering some awful things. I was hospitalized in novermber, a nasty combo of malnutrition, alcohol and an acetemetophine overdose. I was in the ICU for one week. No family, just a few friends who managed to stop by. I almost died and I realized there's nobody in my life who would've cared. I was just this pathetic light amongst shining stars that'd almost faded away, nothing to pay any real attention to. More than that, I've got a nearly 100 thousand dollar medical bill dumped on me.

Anyway. By the end of sophmore semester (Current), my scholarship was revoked entirely, and I've been academically let go (until my GPA rises above a 3.0, at least--In which I'd have to pay money to take community classes, that I do not have). I'm now facing another summer of homelessness, and sleeping on the streets again, and I do not know what to do. Whats the point of life if its only struggle? I've never known a moment of peace and at this point, it feels like even God is saying I don't desereve it.

And I remember people telling me once I left my abusive household, it would get better. But life is so much crueler than my family could ever be, and if the scars that litter my body say anything, my family was plenty cruel on their own.

All of this to say, wow. What do I do? Any advice at all? Can anyone relate (haha.) even a bit, or maybe tell me how life changed for you, or if there's something that helped you get through the bad? Or just even the most basic of advice, just anything. I've always been conditioned to look up towards my elders/wiser people, but I have no one in my life anymore.

I feel so entirely alone in the world.