u/DependentWise9303

I have had peri since 38 maybe and been trying to conceive since then.

Felt awful nervous system started prozac.

Long story short changed lifestyle rolled with the punches found new hobbies , pushed myself out of comfort zone became curious about life; took vitamins because HRT isn’t good when Trying to conceive felt a lot better especially the past 1.5 years.

Managed. But today I got my period and im not okay since yesterday and ‘terrified’ again . I remember this feeling from 2 years ago the nervous system dysregulation followed by sobs

Im hoping its temporary because I did my 3rd 3rd egg extraction I got meh results, not the worst but this along with stress of new job and adhd and absorbing everything new in the new environment is making me have the very worst thoughts like whatever you consider the worst today.

I have PTSD 3-4 months before I changes my lifestyle habits because I had to quit and became catatonic.

Now im like how

And now i’m like how can I even be a mom.

I took Myoinosotol and lots of pre natals that seemed to really help my mood but today is veey different.

I did have an early miscarriage in February too , but even then didn’t feel this way that I do today. I remember this fear and im like pls no god

Been through some shit lately and I started a new job but I have never felt so Meh in my life even though this is actually a great industry interesting and great role. I don’t want to live to work but I want to enjoy learning again.

I got ‘the job’ but I feel oh who cares and I used to care. I don’t need to be obsessed but I want to be grateful at least.

I usually prefer fiction but sometimes non fiction can do I guess if it’s super good but I enjoy more practical ‘self help’ rather than lessons like Dopamine Nation or the Psychology of Money.

Just sitting here in my new job after having my 3rd ER on Saturday wondering how I will be ‘excited’ and focused after such exhausting journey of letrozole IuI and 3 ER’s so far + a miscarriage at 6 weeks 5 days.

Like at my lunch break now reading the Dr Lucky post.

I plan one more ER. But man.. Im just exhausted. Not just of the process but reading to death and advocating for myself. Need to be ‘present’ in trainings its a good job. But my brain is full of words like blasts , stims, attrition.. lol

Does anyone feel giddy after anesthesia like heeheee hee then crash for 1.5 days afterwards.

Did my 3rd ER yesterday and I noticed this pattern.

I’m sure being childless adds to it and waiting to hear about results but still feel ‘off’.

Hey I am having ADHD burnout at the worst time / while starting a new job.

It always happens to me 1.5 ish years in then im given leeway and most of the time except once can pull myself together and not get fired but LIFE happened JUST before starting.

When I say life guys I mean it. Miscarriage, friend died and political shit. Im sooo lucky to have this job I need it for fertility treatments and everyone is nice.

I know its normal but I think the ADHD community will understand more executive dysfunction and I want your most extreme hacks for caring / pretending to care during burnout or ways to hyperfixate on the job.

That’s usually what I do I hyperfixate in the beginning , but today is week 2 and I couldn’t go in; we have work from hime but they prefer after probation so not all is lost but please give me your tips and tricks

The job market is crap im in the Middle East there is literally a war I have to pull it together..

So just like many people, I usually start a job get hyper focused, and then eventually get bored which I have completely accepted and built a career with skills strong enough to make me valuable for some (not all) companies to overlook the jumping which is about 1.5 years or so.

My problem is this new job happened after a miscarriage and my friends death who was going through ivf infertility with me so it hit me like a rocket. Another friend died a month ago but not as close… its too much

I just finished the first week and I didn’t care at all.

I attended the induction training courses except one the morning after the death of my friend I told them tbe situstion they were understanding.

I just need 3 more years to get early retirement and this job has 2 days wfh its actually interesting ish lots of front facing roles ..

Im always interested in the beginning I know I’ve been through a lot but im so worried I continue yo be Meh and can’t even make it through a few months ..

They mentioned a few tasta to try to research I started (but movement was robotic) more like how I am when Im ready to leave a job.

I know this is stupid but also everyone is nice wnd there was more drama of ANY kind I get more interested (office politics: bad boss) I dunno if other adhdwrs can relate lol.

Anyway. Im probably overthinking but I left 15 minutes early daily on my first week.. we have 1-2 days wfh and I already took 1 day first week (told my manager I am sick cuz honestly fidnt geel like saying my friend who I knew had cancer and was in the icy fucking died)

I’m preparing to take my trigger today from a high Stims cycle/ 3rd ER. 2 frozen embryos currently , not pgta tested.

Because I have done two rounds before and despite a high(ish) AMH from pcos (3.5) Im a lowish responder in terms of follicles but OK blast rate. I turn 42 in August.

So this time my doctor started me on Gonal F 450 (previously starting me on 300 and moving to 450).

I won’t mention my first round as it was in another clinic but 5 blasts all anauploid discarded.

—— meanwhile

This clinic round got 5 eggs , 4 blasts, fresh transfer, miscarriage 6 weeks 5 days. (2 still frozen non pgta tested)

Then - Suppression 2 weeks , period day 3 started Gonal-F 450 IU (follitropin alfa)

Total stimulation about 10 days.

Added Ganirelix 0.25 mg along with Gonal F 5 days in, taking it for 5 days

First time he used Ovitrelle trigger but this time due to the higher stims he is using Lupron/ GnRH agonist trigger to prevent OHSS.

Thing is.. I have 14 follicles only, so not sure why he is being a bit cautious. 18.9 18.8 18.6 - rest 14 mm.

I did take today a final Gonal F 450 along with these but… feels like we aren’t giving the rest time to grow… ?

Also how do you guys measure follicles.. im one side can be bigger other smaller.. the sizes im giving are the avg diameter … dunno if this makes sense , cuz one side is 21mm of 3 follicles

Trigger tonight 9:30 pm surgery Saturday 8:00 am have to between 34-36 hour window.

Im beyond exhausted , we pay out of pocket no insurance in my country so this will like be my last ER but you never know the will that pops up