u/Dense-Accident-3451

Im a new mom, I never had any desire to become a parent and am really struggling with this adjustment.

For context, my pregnancy was unplanned. My husband didn't have a high chance of ever conceiving, and my birth control failed. That positive pregnancy test felt like an impossibility, but nine months later here we are with a beautiful baby girl. He and I were on the same page with never having kids, but termination was not on the table for us.

I felt disconnected the entire pregnancy, and now she's here, and I fear it's only gotten worse. I think I may be struggling with PPD, but am unsure. I mean I never wanted a baby, it makes sense that I'm unhappy now that I have one, it's not unsurprising, so is it really just the hormones? It's gotten so bad to the point where I'm considering adoption, and I know that might not be healthy. Im experiencing a tremendous amount of guilt, and expressed this on a different post and only got more judgement to the point I had to take the post down.

I find myself googling things like "I hate being a mom" or "I hate my newborn". I don't want to feel this way. I plan on mentioning this to my OB, but I dont see her for another 5 weeks. (We've only been home from the hospital for a week now). I don't feel any emotional connection to my baby, and I'm terrified that after taking some medication it won't get better. I don't have a single maternal bone in my body.

Before anyone asks about friend or family support, my husband has some family and we have mutual friends, but they're not around so much. I have family, but I cut ties with them due to the trauma I experienced growing up with them.

To all the moms who have been where I am and came out the other side, what are some things you did that you found help you cope with motherhood? What helped you bond with your baby, and when did you stop "hating"/resenting them? If you didn't want kids and ended up with one, do you regret it, would you go back? What are some milestones I have to look forward to with my baby? I need some positivity. Even if it didn't get better, I want to hear those experiences too.

I've been home with my baby girl for about a week now. I've never felt any material instinct, or desire to have a baby. Getting pregnant was an accident for my husband and I, we never wanted kids, but after the test turned positive he grew to like the idea of family. He's bonded a lot with her but I haven't. I don't feel any emotional connection to her. Im not sure if this is just PPD making me feel this way, or if it's simply just my desire to not want to be a mother making it hard for me to connect. I don't know if I can get past that, or if it'll get better.

Say it doesn't improve, and I keep her, I'm terrified that one day she'll see the resentment. My parents didn't plan me and I grew up feeling like a burden, I won't have that happen to her. I would do everything I could to keep it from her and try to give her a good life.

On the other hand, she deserves to have a mother who can love her, and she belongs with a family who wants a child. I feel in my heart that this would be the best thing for her, but my husband loves her. He doesn't want her to grow up feeling like a burden either, and he tells me we can get through this, and has been reading into PPD as well and saying we'll get me help for it. How can I tell him that I want to consider adoption? I don't want this baby to ruin our marriage, and I feel like he could be happier too if it could go back to it being just the two of us again. A baby doesn't fit in with the lifestyle that we want, even though he loves the idea of being a father. I've been reading into open adoption, and wish to communicate this to him.

Does anyone have any advice? Birth parents who chose open adoption, did you regret your choice? Did your partner agree/disagree with you, how did it affect the marriage? Children who grew up with adoptive parents while knowing the birth parents, did you hold it against them, or were you thankful they did what they thought was best? How did it affect you emotionally?

I hate being a mother. My husband (M30 and I (F20) brought our baby girl home a week ago and I've been drowning since. I've been trying to bond with her but I feel so emotionally detached. I don't feel connected with her. Im not depressed, I still find joy in other things, I just don't find joy in being a mom. I hate everything about it. Id do anything to have my old life back. I didnt feel emotionally connected during pregnancy either and everything I read told me it would change once I finally hold my baby but it's only gotten worse. I don't have any harmful thoughts, I don't want anything bad to happen to her, I just don't want her. I've been reading about adoption and even considering it, but I'm terrified to bring the idea up to my husband.

We've been struggling and fighting about my connection and involvement with the baby, he feels like I'm not doing enough and is worried to leave me alone with her because he thinks I'm going to let my emotions get the best of me and that I'd end up ignoring her. He sees I don't want anything to do with her. Im as involved as I can be, I'm trying everything I can, trying to bond with her, I talk to her, sing to her, hold her and let her sleep on my chest. We do skin to skin but nothing is changing. I would never ignore her.

I never wanted kids prior to this, getting pregnant was an accident, but he was happy about it. He loved the idea of having a daughter, but I don't think he's enjoying the reality of it either. I see him struggling too, getting frustrated at the cries and the late nights. I feel like he'd be happier to go back to how things were prior to a child, but I dont think he'd agree with adoption. I feel so lost and I don't know what to do. I love being a wife, being married to him, I dont want to leave him, but this is not the life i want. I don't want to talk him into adoption and go through with it only to have him resent me. Im so lost on what to do. Id do anything for him, including this, but im terrified of what it'll do to me. I don't feel like ill ever be the same and I need advice.