u/Dennizelter

I (25F) graduated in 2024 and started working full-time at the same company where I had interned before. I’ve been living away from my family since I was 14. I attended a boarding school on a full scholarship, and later studied at one of the best universities in my country, again on a scholarship that covered my living expenses. My family has never had much money — no house, no car. My father is 55 and still has to work because in Turkey it’s impossible to survive on a retirement salary alone.

Because of this, I grew up very aware of our financial situation. I studied hard so I would never become a burden to my family. Now I live in Istanbul and work as an entry-level engineer at a prestigious company, but my salary barely covers the cost of surviving here. To my family, it seems like I earn a lot because they live in a small town where rent is ten times cheaper, but in Istanbul my salary is really just enough to get by.

Recently, my parents were forced to leave the house they were renting, and they decided they wanted to finally buy a home. About five years ago, my father found a better job and, for the first time in his life, was able to save money. They managed to save enough to cover about half the cost of a house with the qualities they wanted. On top of that, my grandmother had signed an agreement to buy an apartment shortly before she passed away, and my family inherited the mortgage payments for it. My father is still paying that mortgage, and eventually they will own that apartment in Istanbul.

But because of that existing mortgage, they can’t get another loan. So they asked me to take out the mortgage for a house in their hometown and split the monthly payments with my father for the next five years. He would pay 40k and I would pay 4k each month. For my mother, owning a home is her lifelong dream. She hates that she has spent her entire life renting and living with the fear of eviction. I understand that dream deeply. I love my parents, and I want them to have security and happiness.

But at the same time, I cannot ignore the feeling that they are asking me to sacrifice my own future for theirs.

I am 25 years old. In five years, I will be 30. Right now, many of my friends from university are doing master’s degrees abroad, while I feel trapped in a dead-end job where I deal with constant mobbing and stress. The job market is terrible, and I can’t risk even one month without income because I fully depend on my salary to survive.

I hate my job. I hate that after everything I achieved — a prestigious degree, excellent grades, medals, extracurriculars, being valedictorian — I ended up here, barely getting by, while people I know who were far less accomplished are now studying at places like Harvard, Oxford, LSE, or TUM with their parents’ financial support.

I never expected my family to pay for my master’s degree. I knew they couldn’t afford that. My plan was always to work for a few years, gain experience, save money, and eventually pursue graduate school on my own terms. That dream has been keeping me going for years.

And now my family is asking me to give it up.

If I sign this agreement, I will be tied to this job and this city for at least five more years. By then I’ll be 30, and I feel like I will have lost the last years of my youth — the chance to experience being a student again, to live abroad, to build the academic and professional life I dreamed about.

The hardest part is that they know how much this dream means to me. For the past two years, I’ve been crying over not being able to pursue a master’s degree yet. They know how deeply I want it, and still they are asking me to put it aside for their dream instead.

My father recently called me and casually joked, “Do you want to buy a house for 40k a month?” as if he were offering something small. I asked him calmly if he truly understood what he was asking of me — whether he realized he was asking me to sacrifice my dreams and future plans. He didn't even understand what I am asking... He is placing the burden of an entire lifetime on my shoulders.

Now I feel trapped between two impossible choices.

If I say no, I will always feel like the daughter who refused to help her parents achieve their dream of owning a home. But if I say yes, I feel like I will lose my own dream — maybe permanently.

And the worst part is that I don’t even want to answer. I wish he had never asked me, because then I wouldn’t have to choose between my family and myself.

If I say no and later fail to get accepted into a graduate program or fail to secure a scholarship, then it will feel like I refused them for nothing. But if I say yes, I may lose my only real chance to live the life I have worked toward for so many years.

I don’t want to answer this question at all.

What to do in this situation? WHat would you do if you were the father?

I (25F) graduated in 2024 and started working full-time at the same company where I had interned before. I’ve been living away from my family since I was 14. I attended a boarding school on a full scholarship, and later studied at one of the best universities in my country, again on a scholarship that covered my living expenses. My family has never had much money — no house, no car. My father is 55 and still has to work because in Turkey it’s impossible to survive on a retirement salary alone.

Because of this, I grew up very aware of our financial situation. I studied hard so I would never become a burden to my family. Now I live in Istanbul and work as an entry-level engineer at a prestigious company, but my salary barely covers the cost of surviving here. To my family, it seems like I earn a lot because they live in a small town where rent is ten times cheaper, but in Istanbul my salary is really just enough to get by.

Recently, my parents were forced to leave the house they were renting, and they decided they wanted to finally buy a home. About five years ago, my father found a better job and, for the first time in his life, was able to save money. They managed to save enough to cover about half the cost of a house with the qualities they wanted. On top of that, my grandmother had signed an agreement to buy an apartment shortly before she passed away, and my family inherited the mortgage payments for it. My father is still paying that mortgage, and eventually they will own that apartment in Istanbul.

But because of that existing mortgage, they can’t get another loan. So they asked me to take out the mortgage for a house in their hometown and split the monthly payments with my father for the next five years. He would pay 40k and I would pay 40k each month. For my mother, owning a home is her lifelong dream. She hates that she has spent her entire life renting and living with the fear of eviction. I understand that dream deeply. I love my parents, and I want them to have security and happiness.

But at the same time, I cannot ignore the feeling that they are asking me to sacrifice my own future for theirs.

I am 25 years old. In five years, I will be 30. Right now, many of my friends from university are doing master’s degrees abroad, while I feel trapped in a dead-end job where I deal with constant mobbing and stress. The job market is terrible, and I can’t risk even one month without income because I fully depend on my salary to survive.

I hate my job. I hate that after everything I achieved — a prestigious degree, excellent grades, medals, extracurriculars, being valedictorian — I ended up here, barely getting by, while people I know who were far less accomplished are now studying at places like Harvard, Oxford, LSE, or TUM with their parents’ financial support.

I never expected my family to pay for my master’s degree. I knew they couldn’t afford that. My plan was always to work for a few years, gain experience, save money, and eventually pursue graduate school on my own terms. That dream has been keeping me going for years.

And now my family is asking me to give it up.

If I sign this agreement, I will be tied to this job and this city for at least five more years. By then I’ll be 30, and I feel like I will have lost the last years of my youth — the chance to experience being a student again, to live abroad, to build the academic and professional life I dreamed about.

The hardest part is that they know how much this dream means to me. For the past two years, I’ve been crying over not being able to pursue a master’s degree yet. They know how deeply I want it, and still they are asking me to put it aside for their dream instead.

My father recently called me and casually joked, “Do you want to buy a house for 40k a month?” as if he were offering something small. I asked him calmly if he truly understood what he was asking of me — whether he realized he was asking me to sacrifice my dreams and future plans. He didn't even understand what I am asking... He is placing the burden of an entire lifetime on my shoulders.

Now I feel trapped between two impossible choices.

If I say no, I will always feel like the daughter who refused to help her parents achieve their dream of owning a home. But if I say yes, I feel like I will lose my own dream — maybe permanently.

And the worst part is that I don’t even want to answer. I wish he had never asked me, because then I wouldn’t have to choose between my family and myself.

If I say no and later fail to get accepted into a graduate program or fail to secure a scholarship, then it will feel like I refused them for nothing. But if I say yes, I may lose my only real chance to live the life I have worked toward for so many years.

I don’t want to answer this question at all.

What to do in this situation? WHat would you do if you were the father?