u/Delightful_sub

I’m looking for perspective.

I’ve been with my partner for about a year. He has two children (10 and 13) and we have a genuinely serious relationship. I’m not questioning whether he loves me or whether he’s committed to us.

The issue is that I still haven’t met the children yet.

I do understand why he’s been cautious. The breakup with their mother wasn’t that long before we got together, and the co-parenting situation is complicated and high conflict. He’s also a very involved father and has the children a lot, including weekends, holidays and school breaks.

At the same time, after a year together, I’m starting to feel like our relationship exists in a kind of waiting room where his worlds are still completely separate. I don’t want to pressure him or rush the children into anything uncomfortable, but I also don’t think it’s unreasonable at this stage to start discussing what long-term integration looks like.

I was previously in a relationship with someone who had young children, so I understand that dating a parent requires patience and flexibility. But in that situation, the children were much younger and I met them relatively early, so this dynamic feels very different to me.

I’m looking for advice from other single parents who’ve been through this.

I’m 44 and have two kids, 10 and 13. My ex and I broke up just over a year ago after years of a very unhealthy relationship. We argued a lot and the kids definitely saw more tension than they should have. I stayed for a long time because of the kids, but eventually realised the relationship was over.

Around that time, I met someone else. Nothing happened while I was still with my ex. We became friends first, then I realised I had feelings for her, so I ended my relationship and eventually started a new one with her.

We’ve now been together for a year and I genuinely see a future with her. I’m not questioning the relationship or whether it’s serious.

The issue is that my kids still don’t know about her.

Part of that was me trying not to move too fast after the breakup. I didn’t want the kids to feel like I replaced their mum overnight or created more instability for them. But at the same time, it’s now been a year, and hiding a serious relationship indefinitely also feels wrong.

Another complication is that my ex and I don’t have a good co-parenting relationship. I have the kids constantly. Every weekend, every bank holiday, Christmas, Easter, New Year, school breaks etc. I love my kids and want time with them, but realistically it leaves very little time for my relationship, especially because my partner hasn’t met them yet. It’s starting to feel unsustainable keeping those two parts of my life completely separate.

I’m especially interested in hearing from people whose kids were older and already aware their parents’ relationship was unhealthy before the separation.