u/DefiantWave8316

Title says it all!!! I was one of those people that used cannabis to sleep, but it actually made my sleep worse. And I'm sure we're all aware of the paradox around this: person can't sleep -> person smokes weed -> person can sleep -> person now needs weed to sleep -> person's sleep quality is actually getting worse -> person is now waking up 2-3 times a night, and needs to smoke to go back to sleep -> person is getting horrible sleep quality, waking up groggy, etc.

I've now been sober a week, and I just slept 7 full hours all the way through the night without waking up!!! My dreams haven't come back yet, but I cannot tell you the JOY that rushed through me when I woke up and realized I had slept like a log.

Today is also the first day I didn't wake up in a full on panic. There is some mild anxiety coursing through my body right now, but it's nowhere near as bad as it's been over the last week, where I was sleeping 4 broken hours, then waking up for the day with panic flooding my body. I described it to several of you on here as wanting to crawl out of my skin.

I don't want anyone to compare themselves to me, but I just want to give people some encouragement that it gets better!

I just want to celebrate all of the ways in which polyamory has exploded my life with color and love and so many good things. I also want to share that my polyamory journey only started about 6 months ago.

At the beginning, I was STRUGGLING. My nervous system was fucking FRIED. I was on edge all of the time and I truly was crying like.... every day. I knew this was what I wanted, but I could not believe how difficult it was or how much unlearning I had to do.

I am still unlearning, and I suspect I may always be, given how insidious mononormative and patriarchal norms are within romantic relationships.

BUT. It gets better!!

I have now felt compersion for the first time! My partner went to kink fest alone and I was genuinely happy for him to meet new people and make new connections! I couldn't believe it, it was like the most euphoric thing when I realized how far I'd come from not even wanting to say the word "poly" or even acknowledge my partner was seeing other people.

My romantic relationships no longer take precedence over my friendships, and polyamory has made me love my platonic friends even more in a really unexpected way. Committing to de-centering romantic love and viewing love of all types as equally important has been so expansive.

On that note: I am a cis woman, raised in a society where I've been taught to center the opinions of men over everything. I was CONSTANTLY critiquing myself through the lens of the male gaze. I viewed love as scarce, as a resource I needed to compete for, and when I was searching for "THE ONE", it was ALWAYS on my mind. My entire life just felt pointless if I wasn't searching for "the one."

I have also been confronted head on with my internalized misogyny and how I have always viewed other women as competition for male attention and validation. Women are not my competition! Nobody is! I am special and unique and beautiful and no one could ever compete with me! Just as I could never compete with someone else who is also their own unique and beautiful person in their own ways. I am genuinely more grounded, centered, and confident in who I am.

And lastly, on love, I am speechless at the ways in which my understanding of love has evolved. I used to get angry that my partner didn't want to keep me all to himself. I used to get angry when he would encourage me to date. I used to get angry when he would even make mention of me being with other people. I couldn't understand why he didn't want me all to himself. Until I unpacked how deeply patriarchal that is. I now feel more loved than I ever have by anyone else BECAUSE my partner wants me to have my own experiences without him. My partner loves me SO expansively that even if it's difficult for him sometimes, he wants me to live my life the way that feels the most expansive and joyful for me. That, to me, is a more pure form of love than one that relies on restriction to be valid. (and to be clear, I feel the same way for him<3 )

It would be lovely to hear some other examples of how polyamory has made your life so much more full and beautiful, and I suspect it may be very encouraging for people that are in the thick of the struggles right now

I have chronic diverticulitis now. I'm young, I'm in my 30s, so this shouldn't be happening yet. This is something that people develop in older age. I believe I got diverticulitis earlier because of my binge eating, which I have completely healed from sober. I genuinely have a really healthy relationship with food. But the second I ingest THC, I will eat anything in sight. I can't control my munchies. And because of that, I've fucked up my colon.

Editing to add another unexpected consequence! Because of how much sugar I was consuming while high and bingeing, I developed cysts on my ovaries and one of them burst a few years ago. It was 10/10 pain, I've never felt anything like it. Until it happened again last month.

I'm not trying to get everyone to shit on themselves, but maybe talking about the consequences will help others remember that it's not worth it

Hello to all the wonderful humans on this subreddit. I just found it and cannot believe how much less alone I feel.

I am on day 3 of sobriety. I've been smoking almost daily since 2014, with a 2 year sobriety gap. I've since been daily smoking for the last 3 years and am quitting again because i'm starting to experience prodromal phase symptoms of CHS and from what i've read, there's no fucking way in hell i want to actually experience CHS.

On top of that, I have PMDD, PCOS, and sometimes my periods come with very heavy cramping. I've been using medicated balm to put on my tummy and lower back. i'm on day 1 of my period (GREAT timing!!) and am starting to experience cramps, and went to reach for my balm and went.... fuck.

Will THC get into my bloodstream? Like... I'm not asking if it breaks my sobriety, i'm asking if it could make me quitting smoking essentially useless since i'm still taking in THC