I wish I could go back in time.
I have real event ocd, which has fed into other themes of mine and made them far worse as well.
I constantly think back to last early summer, it’s been nearly a year to the dot but I can’t let it go.
I was in my early 20’s, yet I feel like I can never move past this and that I don’t even deserve to live on the same world as human beings.
I have attempted once, and failed alongside another near attempt. I just want it to end, I feel like I got away too easy for the pain I caused. I would rather not get into what it was.
I can’t breathe, I feel like I can barely work. I might have statistically another 60-70 years on this planet but I will never forgive myself. I deserve to have my life ruined, in fact some part of me welcomes it just so it won’t be in my hands anymore.
I don’t know what to do, I have soiled this beautiful world with my evil. I don’t deserve any kindness my family gives me, even when they know everything.