I (39F) and my partner (37M) have a 6-month-old baby together, and he also has a 9-year-old son who lives with us and who I help parent.
I now have two upcoming work trips: one for 3 nights/4 days and one for 8 nights/9 days. I can sometimes turn down work travel, but these trips are important for my career.
For additional context, since I was 6 months pregnant, I haven’t traveled at all except for one overnight alone. I also don’t have any other work trips without the baby planned until at least after the baby’s first birthday.
My partner is upset and says it’s unfair that I’m leaving him with both kids. He feels like I’m abandoning him, especially because our baby is still young and not sleeping through the night.
I arranged daytime childcare while I’m gone. His parents agreed months ago to watch the baby from about 8am–7pm each day. I also offered to pay for additional childcare, but they declined and said they were happy to help.
The main issue is nighttime care. Our baby still wakes up 3–4 times a night for feedings. Since the baby was born, I have been exclusively responsible for nighttime care and I’ve only taken one night off total since he was born. My partner occasionally helps by getting a bottle or changing a diaper, but then he goes back to sleep and I remain responsible for the rest of the night.
During the day, he usually takes a morning shift with the baby so I can sleep or get things done, but if he has work, I cover both night and day.
I feel like, since I arranged daytime childcare, have handled the overnight care until now, and regularly cover his baby-shifts when he needs to work it’s reasonable for me to take these work trips, especially since they matter for my career.
He feels I shouldn’t travel at all during the first year of our baby’s life and that it’s unfair to leave him responsible for overnight care while I’m gone.
AITA?