u/Decent-Task-4537

I’m a girl, I’m feminine, and I’m happy being a girl. But lately, I’ve been feeling this really specific envy that I don’t know how to explain. I was watching A Bronx Tale and seeing the scenes of Calogero and his dad. Or honestly just any moment in the movie and I felt like I wanted that life. I’ve become obsessed with the whole vibe of the custodians, the mechanics, the guys with the gold chains and the chest hair eating chicken cutlet sandwiches, or the cops just hanging out with coffee and donuts.
The weird part is I want to date a guy like that, but I also want to be one of them for a week. It’s reached a point where they are basically my main fashion inspiration right now, which feels a bit off considering I'm a girl who isn't even into sports or cars. Is this a common thing? Do I need therapy? 😭

I was in middle school when someone found out I was into girls, they purposely outed me in front of the entire cafeteria. It was so embarrassing, every single person heard it. I wasn’t ready to come out either. Just when I thought it couldn’t have got worse. Anytime I was in the locker room, the girls didn’t change if I was in there. I overheard them talking about it once. They thought I was a creep and it did make me feel like one. I’m now in college and my grandma along with my uncle know my sexuality. But I haven’t healed from that experience so I keep any girl crush to myself. I have friends for years that don’t know. How do I heal from this?