u/DearCompany7260

i’m really long winded, so i apologize in advance! 😭 but— i feel as though a lack of experience is causing me to freak out. i’ve never had a partner, i’m completely awkward, and i’m definitely not the prettiest girl. because of this, i feel stuck because a lot of sexuality comes down to experience— but those experiences haven’t come yet and i worry that they might never. i’d like to have a general idea of what i like, but i feel so confused.

for the guys i’ve liked, i usually don’t feel physically attracted to them aside from thinking that they’re cute, but a man is who i can imagine myself spending the rest of my life with. when i develop a crush on a guy, it takes a few months for me to realize that i don’t actually like him, i just think that he’s really cute or i’d like to be really close friends with him. more often than not, one of the things that draws me to a guy is his personality, and i LOVE a good laughable, so if he’s funny i’m swooning 💔💔 it’s a pretty persistent thought of mine to “want” a boyfriend but i’ve never had a guy tell me that he likes me. i’m a pretty loud, deep-voiced girl + not the prettiest so it doesn’t surprise me, but i can’t tell if i just want the male attention because i’ve never received it.

on the other hand, i very rarely have crushes on girls. like— at all. i think women are profoundly more attractive compared to men and on the occasions that i *am* attracted to a girl, it’s massively physical, and really intense, but i can’t imagine myself dating a girl, marrying one, or having anything outside of a friendship with one, but unlike men, i’m attracted to women in every aspect— not just personality alone 😭 while i haven’t had any success with guys, i’ve only ever been asked out by women, and i just worry that i’m somehow being performative 😭 i worry that i’ve always taken on a masculine role because of my personality, and almost everyone assumes that i’m gay even though i dress very femme! i feel like i’m internalizing other people’s opinions of me + what queerness “looks like”, which always leaves me confused!

i know labels aren’t important, but i worry that because i’ve never experienced anything like many others have, i won’t ever feel any comfort with my sexuality.