u/Davey914

I had to repost this because I didn’t reply in time. My apologies.

So I (45M) come home today and my wife (41F) immediately unloads on me. Our daughter (3) is sick and my wife tells me how awful she was today from throwing tantrums, playing with toys and leaving them out, and wanting to be carried.

When she’s not sick our daughter does play with toys and usually leaves them out. My wife tweaked her back when we were trying to potty train her a few weeks and now doesn’t want to carry our daughter. I listen with intent and I’m empathetic because our daughter can be hard.

This is when it’s all on me. When my daughter is done playing with something I push whatever it is to the side or if it’s a truck I toss it in the chest. Like an organized mess so no one trips. I clean up here and there during lunch time or at the evening. My wife says we have to teach her to take one toy out and then put that toy away when she’s done. Basically my wife wants her to know that when we ask her then she has to do it. I am letting our daughter get away with everything because I don’t make her put everything away and I just make her put some stuff away and I do the rest.

My wife says our daughter thinks she doesn’t have to do anything and throws a tantrum because of that. Also me holding and carrying her to go up to bed is bad because I’m encouraging her to want to be carried everywhere. For the record after story time I carry her up to bed. Bath time she walks upstairs and she walks downstairs after she’s dressed. Sometimes she gets fussy and tired so I make her go down the stairs on her butt and I’ll walk ahead of her so she knows that her outbursts won’t get the desired effect.

I got in a big argument after I told her to put our daughter to bed while I walk our German shephard. She’s saying I’m keeping our toddler like an infant when she has to listen to us and not throw tantrums.

This is also important, she’s delayed verbally and has started to say more words but still does grunting to indicate she’s upset. It’s hard to communicate but it’s slowly getting better. My wife is insisting if he tell her over and over to pick things up she’ll get it and listen to us .

I know when it comes to cleaning up a toy sometimes she’ll help put it all away, sometimes it’s just a part of the toy, and sometimes she just isn’t gonna do it. I don’t think it’s a good idea to drag her over and force her because it seems like that’ll make her not want to do it more.

Am I too lenient and the AH here?

I have a relative that has shown interest in marine biology but also stipulated that it needs to be a Christian school. How does one weigh one over another when one is academic and the other is more personal?

I’m in my mid 40s and I’m more lasered in on program strength such as Wala Wala or William and Mary. My nephew though makes a face when it’s mentioned that UCSB has a good program but it’s secular. He also mentioned Liberty which made be do a double take because it doesn’t have marine bio and it’s open enrollment at a high sticker price.

Maybe I’m took old to understand but can someone at least explain this to me? His enthusiasm for Christianity is great but paying a lot for a mediocre program where he will have to go out and look for marine biology experiences while attending a mediocre program at Liberty makes me scratch my head.