i took my girlfriend's first time just to be told the day after it that she was thinking of her ex
Me (27M) a foreigner living in China and a small content creator, was following another small creator (25F) from my country, and one day in February she posted that she is studying now in China, i texted her and we hit it off instantly. she was in a city not far from mine which made me able to travel and see her every weekend. things developed very quickly and we got in a relationship swiftly. both wanting the same things and having the same plans for the future. it was like a dream coming true, everything i ever wanted truly. one thing tho she had one condition, to not get very intimate unless we are married (no touching and stuff). As the time passed i noticed that she started accepting doing more things with me and she was telling me that she knows that i am the one otherwise she wouldn't let me kiss her and ... etc that honestly made me feel very special and secure especially after the time she told me about her old relationship where she dated a guy that she loved so much but broke up with 3 years ago and the only thing they did was kissing. I have given her everything i can from good dates to consistent texts to even sending gifts and flowers. it got to a point where even her friends bluntly told her multiple times that they envy her for finding a man like me. i really did my best because i felt like she deserved all of those efforts.
Days passed by and i traveled there this time and stayed at a hotel, she came with me and things happened (won't get into detail but there was no penetration). we were so tired the day after it and we lacked sleep so she recommended that we should go back home, i noticed she seemed odd but then i thought she was only tired like me
each one of us went home and i slept. the day after it she texted me saying that she's feeling guilty. i thought it was because of what we did. then she said it's actually that and because of something else as well. so basically after we were done and got out she kept thinking about her ex from 3 years ago and then when she got home she kept stalking him and wanting to talk to him and she even liked his Instagram story where it was a pic of himself. put in mind all of that while we are dating. and after such an important moment where we were both intimate for the first time. now honestly I don't know what to do i did break up with her that day because that was not acceptable and i am not going to be second to any other guy, but then my body and heart are reacting differently. i have been having terrible heartache and i am unable to eat or sleep normally, i have been going to the gym and overworking myself as well as smoking way more than i used to.
we are still texting but things don't feel fine between us anymore the vibe changed. we do love each other but i just don't know what to do and i had so many plans for us now they are all falling apart, also China is very isolating and she felt like home to me which made me feel even worse. she's an avoidant attachment style person so whenever there's an issue she turns cold and runs away, while i am the anxious type. what should i do guys i am really lost? should i try to let her go or try to gain her back or what!?
it's killing me that even tho i did my best i still couldn't compete with a ghost from the past