Hello!

I'm living in CLE for the summer and in looking for things to do, I am wondering if there's anyone that knows of a harp and/or guitar teacher that offers lessons to adults for the summer?

For guitar specifically, I am a beginner and I would honestly be happy to learn from anyone willing to help me muddle through the basics

I'm not in the best financial place right now, so cost *is* something I'm worried about when pursuing music lessons.

Any help is much appreciated!!

Thanks!!

FA here

Many unhealed avoidants don't have the same 'reflective' mechanisms that anxious/secure people have

They don't replay things that people have told them, or have moments of 'oh my God, they were right'

The only narrative that an unhealed avoidant adheres to (especially in the deactivation stage) is the one they create themselves.

Unhealed avoidants are like overgrown toddlers. You can't make us do anything if we don't want to.

Having a 'last conversation' might bring you closure, and it might make you feel better--but it won't do anything for us.

What can you do instead of using words?

Leave.

Say something like 'this relationship is unhealthy' and then leave and focus on your own healing.

The impetus for an avoidant to heal usually comes from being totally alone. When our avoidance has pushed everyone away, and we have to sit in the silence we created.

(But remember: we lack 'reflective' mechanisms. We will not remember or reflect on words. We'll reflect on the feelings of safety we got from the people that we pushed away)

I'm a healing FA in recovery from a DA

Do anxious/non-avoidant people realize they need therapy too, and that an insecure attachment style (even if it isn't avoidant) is what makes it hard to move on, or explains why someone might be prone to falling for the anxious/avoidant trap or makes you feel like your avoidant was 'the one' (even though they weren't)?

FAs characteristically have both anxious and avoidant traits, and I do experience both sides of the spectrum. I've been the one chasing, sending paragraphs, begging, etc. and I've also been the one pulling away, nitpicking, ghosting, etc.

Therapy, doing inner work and breaking behavioural patterns isn't just for the avoidants--everyone needs it.

I've seen a lot of confusion about what exactly an avoidant avoids

The answer: EVERYTHING.

Avoidants don't just avoid you. They can avoid themselves, their families, friends--anyone and anything that requires vulnerability and/or accountability

Superficial relationships are the easiest to maintain. Once any relationship (romantic, platonic, familial, etc.) requires vulnerability and/or accountability? The avoidant will struggle.

I'm an FA in the process of healing and I was with an unhealed DA.

I watched my DA avoid their family for months because they were avoiding the 'you haven't called us in a long time!' conversation

My DA avoided me when things became 'too real'

Is any of this behaviour good/healthy?

No

But it isn't as selective as it seems. It isn't just you that's being avoided, discarded, etc.