u/Crust-Cobra

Everything is awful. My dad has cancer, my mother is manipulative and honestly a complete psychopath sometimes (I'm not an expert, but I'm suspecting that she has BPD or something similar to it). She will throw a tantrum when something doesn't go her way, and keeps blaming my father for everything, who is already very ill and depressed.

I've lost all my "friends", never had a relationship, got no ambitions, no motivation, no energy, I'm just exhausted all day. It's like my parents and I have made all the wrong choices.

I hate myself, hate everyone around me, hate this planet. I think when my father's dead, I'm gonna kill myself. Or maybe I won't, because I don't want to leave my little brother behind. I don't even know what to do.

Everything is awful. My dad has cancer, my mother is manipulative and honestly a complete psychopath sometimes (I'm not an expert, but I'm suspecting that she has BPD or something similar to it). She will throw a tantrum when something doesn't go her way, and keeps blaming my father for everything, who is already very ill and depressed.

I've lost all my "friends", never had a relationship, got no ambitions, no motivation, no energy, I'm just exhausted all day. It's like my parents and I have made all the wrong choices.

I hate myself, hate everyone around me, hate this planet. I think when my father's dead, I'm gonna kill myself. Or maybe I won't, because I don't want to leave my little brother behind. I don't even know what to do.

I need to delete all of my saved pornography. I don't want to engage with it anymore, these videos don't reflect who I am. They are not healthy, they are absolutely disgusting.

I've been very depressed, especially in these last couple of weeks, that's why I've been looking at them excessively. Whenever I feel really bad, which is basically the whole time, I use it for a short dopamine spike. But long term it makes me feel even worse.

I'm still sadly kind of addicted, so deleting it feels difficult.

How did you do it? What made you finally delete it? I know it's the right thing to do.