I can't keep up with life, deep down I'm still just a kid in my 30s longing for simpler times.
For the entirety of my life, I've always just played catch-up.....never ahead....always trailing behind my peers.
Had no idea what I wanted to do career wise until my late 20s....while I watch my friends and peers get ahead in their career while getting into long fruitful relationships, get married and have kids....it all seemed so natural for them.
I left my tech job last year after years of accumulated burnout and a toxic boss.....I got so burned out from the job and life that for the first time in my life I really didn't want to do anything and moved back home with my parents.
The sad thing is, I really want to rest but my mind won't let me rest....I'm afraid of falling behind, I feel undesired as a man if I don't have a career built up because how would I even be desirable as a dating prospect and provide for a future family? But at same time I can barely push myself towards job hunting because i'm so burnt out immediately....i'm stuck in limbo
You want to talk to friends but they've got their own problems, and nobody really cares.....social circle is dwindling with old friends not putting as much effort anymore.
you try to tell your parents......your mom tells you to keep it bottled up while your dad immediately goes into lecture mode of solving the "laziness" problem instead of asking how I really am.
Anyone who learns that I've been unemployed for 6 months gives me the "what's wrong with you" reaction.
I have many side hobbies....I love sports, playing music, learning game development, and I also go gym regularly.....but I feel I can't fully immerse myself in them anymore with all of life's expectations and responsibilities laying heavy on my shoulders.
My dating life is non-existent nowadays, have had a lot of casual encounters throughout my life, but never one fruitful long-term relationship.....
I am deathly afraid of aging......i'm in my mid 30s and supposed to have my life figured out by now regardless of how everyone will tell me "everything will be fine"
Deep down I'm still that kid that just longs for those days playing my fav video games with pop and snacks on the side.....yeah I can still do that.....but I can't.
I just want to be normal in life....but now my label is an unemployed mid 30s single man still living at home with his parents with no more drive or spark in life....and i feel extremely lonely
Before anyone tells me about therapy, I've gone through with it for a long time....I want to hear some real voices, some reassurance....something