Safer in other places than my own home.
Just a vent.
I hate how I feel safer in really strange places I've never been to before or simply surrounded by strangers. I hate how I feel safer in places I'm not allowed to go to (like pubs, bars, casino's). I hate how I feel safer surrounded by people who aren't Christian like how I was raised to be (I'm currently deconstructing). I even feel safer in a strangers car than my own home.
I'm working on going off grid from my family, but when I thought of how much safer I feel anywhere else but my own home, I started feeling distressed and teary. Because a home shouldn't make me feel scared. A family shouldn't make me feel bad about my existence. A family shouldn't make me feel bad about how I feel with the way they treat eachother. A family shouldn't have made me so afraid of the concept of marriage or relationships or men or anything that isn't "holy".
I hate how I'll need to keep going back to that place because I don't have my own roof yet.