u/Content-Sympathy6305

First and foremost, logic. I’m wordy, ranty, confident, tbh think I’m pretty smart and will debate just about anything, even with lackluster facts at hand, pulling from a theoretical understanding I’ve accumulated. I love arguing and would feel severely bothered by a life of silence or constant agreement. I want to take other people’s points of view in and generally try to leave every conversation knowing a little more. Everyone has some information you don’t have. I don’t do details unless the subject actually interests me.

Next comes emotion. I know I have 3rd or 4th emotion, I don’t really know what to do with other people’s emotions and don’t feel anything for a good part of the day. I don’t usually like being influenced emotionally, as it feels manipulative. I ocasionally cry, mostly to really sad media or once in a while actually having feelings. I am kind of empathetic, but it’s not a defining quality for sure. I know how to go for the throat with someone’s insecurities, which might be 3E or 3V tbh. I don’t usually do so but I do perceive the option as “available”. I don’t usually talk about my emotions unless I’m close to someone and usually drunk. I do kind of have some amount of deeper emotions, but usually I’m either not conscious of them or don’t want to talk them. Thus, my affect is usually jokeful and pretty light-hearted. I can be provocative, for example with very offensive humor, as I do like to stir the pot for entertainment (and then lay back and enjoy). I don’t have a problem with expressing rage and happiness, the rest of the emotions are harder as they make me feel soft & weak and it’s not how I like to be perceived. They are my weakest link though, as I will feel guilty upon hurting someone even in a mild way and usually it’s an aspect that gets to control me to some degree, because the other 3 will only control me situationally. I’m not a very emotional person, though.

Physics. I enjoy sex, food, risk taking and adrenaline in general - it makes me feel very alive. I’m kind of impulsive but usually in physics a quick consequence analysis makes me back off before acting violently. I enjoy violence and think it’s generally the most fundamental way of human conflict - the way to impose your will. I don’t feel confident in my ability to beat some up but I do feel confident in my ability to beat most up. I don’t easily take to suggestions in the physical realm, even though I suck at it. My only real solution in here is throwing excess at things, whether that be force, or say, “dealing” with stress by eating a cool 3000 calories. I then usually deal with the issue. I dress like shit unless there is a good reason to dress in any other way (I like comfy clothes, although recently I’ve upgraded to a normie look which is still comfy) and have repeatedly been told I am extremely careless in this realm. I’ve conditioned my friends to flinch when I dap them up because I like to do it full force. I don’t usually have good physical awareness. I do have some insecurity w body image and looks - that part is more sensitive - but I do feel confident in throwing force into shit.

Volition. I’m pretty sure it’s aggressive. I passionately hate being told what to do unless I specifically accept it. I do like negotiating it with people, although I have a tendency to assume they’re going to do a shitty job. Now, I do believe I will do a good job, which leads me to overwork myself at times. I used to be “mr give up” although recently (1yr ago) I took that privilege away from myself and refuse to let myself give up, as it made me feel like shit about myself. I sometimes give up but it’s at minor/useless goals. I am very competitive, although I can get bored of it. I understand how power and hierarchies work, although I generally see myself as outside them entirely. I can be very snake-like if it’s going to get me what I want, as I default to assuming that asking for it is likelier to fail. Sometimes I do ask for it directly. I am usually kind of honest, although there’s a couple lies I do tell for instrumental reasons. Most of my friend groups are separate for similar reasons. I can try to lead, although don’t like to lead if people don’t kind of support me - I won’t usually impose it. Usually prefer to do things by myself for that reason, as I don’t have to deal with that whole process. I have a bit of a counterphobic tendency, wherein I’ll bluff strength in the face of a challenge and bluff confidence, making the other person have to take the choice of calling me on it and risk it not being a bluff, or back down. I’m kind of petty although usually give up on it quickly as it feels very pointless.

I don’t have a problem with obsessing with a goal and just relentlessly pushing for it, sacrificing wellbeing, emotional wellbeing, sleep, health, etc. This is one of my best strengths, along with being quick-witted, creative at my approaches and pretty good at “people”. I might even be inneficient, but once I’m obsessed enough, giving up feels forbidden even if I want to.

I usually disregard rules unless the consequences are actually real. I enjoy that. I don’t really care for validation too much although I can’t really say I don’t care for it at all. I do have some self doubt, although sometimes I ask for people’s opinion just to get mine to pop up (usually not the same but it can be).

Recently I’ve been reflecting on integrating an issue, on one hand I would like to be an unstoppable force, but on the other hand, I do like having good relationships with more softness. I do ocasionally want to indulge in some softness, though I don’t like to admit it.

Day to day, I’m usually pretty chill/nice, although pretty busy with a gazillion things. I don’t mind being a total prick for the goals of people I value or respect, matter of fact I enjoy it. I just don’t like to always be an asshole.

VLFE 4313 or FLVE 4323 seem like the likeliest picks. I don’t feel super 3V although I don’t think I’m this hyperassertive corporate ladder climber. Matter of fact, my current life-plan leads to self employment.

Got any ideas?

for the mods, I gave the rules a pretty thorough read and nothing said this was forbidden, but do lmk if it is and I’ll take this down.

Anyways, back to the post. I’m 23M, have been ghsv1+ positive for around 2 months. I see a lot of sexually frustrated people here, among which I include myself. So, I’m guessing someone will be from my area, we can hang out and see if anything happens.

Shoot me a DM! :)

• How old are you? What's your gender? Give us a general description of yourself.

22, male. I am a weirdo by all means, extroverted, somewhat insecure in certain aspects. My current defining trait in life is not having enough of a clue on what to commit to (kind of. Plan on elaborated later), thus I am kind of committed to various things.

• Is there a medical diagnosis that may impact your mental stability somehow? ADHD.

• Describe your upbringing. Did it have any kind of religious or structured influence? How did you respond to it?

Dad is an So1, mom is an Sp6. Divorced when I was 7. Dad is rather religious, mom is an atheist. Structure was never really a thing - or at least I made it so. Didn’t really fuck with what was imposed on me as it did not align with my desires whatsoever, so I became a pretty consistent liar as it was the lowest effort thing that worked. I was intransparent as fuck and dreamed of turning 18 since I was, idk, 8 or 9. I’m pretty sure their divorce fucked with me in deep ways, as at some point I went from wanting them to get back together to wanting them to stay apart. I never *genuinely* submitted to my dad’s influence, as he’s a bit caricaturesque and even as a kid I could see that. I did have more or less submission at times.

• What do you do as a job or as a career (if you have one)? Do you like it? Why or why not?

Study psychology, work uber as a side gig. I hate studying but I accept it as a necessary evil to get to where I want to get - self employed therapist. I find psychology fascinating, hell, downright enthralling, especially everything related to personality. It’s a career path I feel interested in following. I plan on making a bunch of money and working maybe a nice 25hr week in my late 30s and 40s. I want to have kids and be able to spend time with them. I like psychology because it feels extremely interesting to understand more about what it means to “human”. What it means to be alive, to live. I also have a deep sense of wanting to help people who suffer - I usually don’t have the best empathy and kind of suck at emotion, but I genuinely do want to help. Something deep within my heart aches for that. Uber is pretty nice - it’s fun and refreshing from the monotony of university (only fun there is my friends. Especially this semester - long to explain, tldr I can’t pick my classes so I’m stuck with a bunch of crap that is oriented to research. I couldn’t care less about them and it makes the experience grating). It’s also a job which has a shit ton of potential if exploited well - great conversations, money, sex and random opportunities. I also happen to really enjoy driving. Plus I’ve gotten an insane amount of confidence from this job.

• If you had to spend an entire weekend by yourself, how would you feel? Would you feel lonely or refreshed?

Currently I’m pushing myself to be my best self and have a shit ton of responsibility on my shoulders, so I would feel refreshed, although odds are by day 2 I might feel a little lonely. I would like to share a refreshing, peaceful weekend with my close friends. I haven’t had an actual rest [week] in a couple months.

• What kinds of activities do you prefer? Do you like, and are you good at sports? Do you enjoy any other outdoor or indoor activities?

Usually, high adrenaline and intense activities. I own a sporty bike (FZ6) and love to ride at “totally the speed limit” and push myself against any fear. It’s very thrilling. I love it. I also enjoy anything that tires me out - I have a LOT of energy and if I don’t expend it, I grow frustrated and get negative. I have recently discovered hiking and I love it. Otherwise, something intellectually stimulating is very nice, although I need high-paced stimuli unless I hyperfocus on something. I suck at most sports and am not a very coordinated person. I’d like to get into some martial arts. I enjoy both indoor and outdoor activities and have an open mind as long as they’re not slow-paced and BORING.

• How curious are you? Do you have more ideas then you can execute? What are your curiosities about? What are your ideas about - is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate?

EXTREMELY curious - I score in the 90s for openness to experience. I have a lot of random ideas, although currently the amount of shit I can execute is maxxed out. I am curious about EVERYTHING. Give me a little information and I need to know more. Although my biggest curiosities generally come around the human nature, the meaning/point of life, and the idea of an absolute in life. Generally they’re more abstract than concrete - whether it’s a way to prove a theory, an experiment that could change an understanding or just random what if’s. Most of them are ways to loophole rules and regulations, which thoroughly annoy me. The best way to get me to figure something out is to say it *can’t* be done, because, how do you even know that? Have you tried every option? Every possibility? It can’t be done with the current information, but it most likely *can* be done. I think basically 24/7, most of the time on autopilot. A good percentage of it is about typology.

• Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it? What would your leadership style be?

I don’t mind it, per se, although my favorite position is being my own boss. My rules & the *actual*, implicit rules of the endeavor apply. I do shit when I feel like it. I am pretty hard working although THOROUGHLY chaotic. I am not the best leader because I don’t feel the entitlement to take charge automatically - although under stress/rush I do take charge easily and often. I vacillate between authoritarian, laissez-faire and “I’ll just handle everything and pass like 3 tasks onto everyone else”.

• Are you coordinated? Why do you feel as if you are or are not? Do you enjoy working with your hands in some form? Describe your activity?

Not really, no. I am confident in my physical abilities and generally have good balance but I don’t have great coordination. I enjoy mechanic work which I do on rare occasions. If you consider coding (typing?) a “hands” job, then yes. Although I rarely do it. I don’t mind doing things with my hands as long as there’s no super disgusting stuff. I love driving, riding my bike and skiing all of which require some form of coordination, but I don’t think I’m very coordinated. I don’t really have a solid opinion on the matter, to be honest. Maybe I am, maybe I’m not.

• Are you artistic? If yes, describe your art? If you are not particular artistic but can appreciate art please likewise describe what forums of art you enjoy. Please explain your answer.

No, not very much so. I do find some things I do to be kind of artistic, but it’s not conventional. A loophole can be artistic, in that the logic behind it is beautifully cheeky. A moment of risk can be beautiful in the defiance it shows - the deep commitment to the moment. I also find some bullshit to be artistic in it’s deceitful nature. Makes you want to chef’s kiss 😂. I do enjoy more abstract art, as I find it doesn’t constrain you to one way of perceiving it. I also like cars & bikes which have an artistic livery of some kind, and this can be generalized. I like art that feels “atypical” and refreshing.

• What's your opinion about the past, present, and future? How do you deal with them?

I have gotten better at processing the past, although I generally don’t reflect on it too much, excluding particular moments. Bores me out of my mind. I do daydream a lot, dreaming up some kind of future which I like in some way. I can be present although it’s not very easy. I just need to feel good and relaxed, which is not easy. I have also been told (& it is true) that while I plan a lot for the future, I have a marked optimistic bias. I believe this is a cope for a bunch of underlying fears. And also, I don’t like to plan in detail unless I feel interested, as it bores me out of my fucking mind. Have some permanent anxiety, experienced mild depression (from feeling trapped & disliking my life) most of my teenage years and have been REALLY depressed once. Guess that indicates future too, as anxiety is negative anticipation of what could be.

• How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so?

There is four ways this can go. 1) they ask me nicely (which is an implicit recognition of my freedom to say no as they are not entitled to my help. I appreciate this very much) and I am not really stressed out. In this case, I will try my fucking hardest to help. 2) they ask me nicely but I am really stressed out. I try to help but recognize my inability to help more. Might still do more than I should, to the detriment of my interests. 3) they demand help and I am in a position where I can deny it without compromising my integrity, possessions or fucking myself royally. Unless they are very close to me (in which case I *might* help, after being negative about their attitude in a more overt or covert way), I will deny the help (except extreme cases). I will be a dick on purpose. 4) same as 3 but I cannot ensure safety of those things. I will help but any opportunity for covert sabotage or malicious compliance WILL be taken.

Generally, it’s cases #1 and #2, so I try to be pretty helpful, because I like it. I value being helpful - I think it’s a great thing. I don’t like to do tit-for-tat, in the sense of “I did one unit of work, now you owe me one unit of work”. I don’t mind doing 10. It creates a very positive environment where everyone collaborates. It also creates an implicit understanding wherein if I need help I can call on people and without manipulation they will help, because they know I will do the same (sometimes without asking). I don’t ask for anything in return (I do feel some kind of self respect/validation combo from just doing it, but I don’t need acknowledgment, although I don’t mind it), but I will reduce the help if they’re stingy with the help returned. I never find that to be the case, though, as I try to not ask for a lot because it’s usually easier to get it done myself.

• Do you need logical consistency in your life?

To some degree, although a demand for absolute rationality is inherently irrational. I try to have some logical basis, although I don’t always follow the same logic I have previously used. More than logical consistency, I care about having some sort of logic behind my actions, although I do act impulsively pretty often - but it’s usually a calculated impulsivity, not just punching someone because I feel like it, but punching someone because I feel like it and I’m pretty sure I can get away with it scot free, which feels like good enough logic. I haven’t punched anyone so far, it’s an example. I don’t have a problem with violence though, as I believe it’s consistent with the inherent nature of humans.

• How important is efficiency and productivity to you?

Somewhat, in the sense that I do like them, and I get a GINORMOUS kick out of making a lame task efficient. Skipped myself 90% of a project by directly coding it and having gemini make the code for me. Motivates me a whole lot. I value efficiency a bunch.

• Do you control others, even if indirectly? How and why do you do that?

Not a whole lot, past giving random advice to fix problems I’ve encountered and controlling anything and anyone that could control me. Usually do this by controlling the information I give them. I do this because I FUCKING HATE being controlled/forced.

• What are your hobbies? Why do you like them?

Don’t have any concrete, “this is the one” hobbies. Guess riding my bike? I sometimes play chess, play a fuckton of clash royale and enjoy reading about typology. As well as a ton of random crap. Why? Stimulation of some kind and fun. I really enjoy trolling in some form, as I find it hilarious. Ragebaiting people is also very fucking fun.

• What is your learning style? What kind of learning environments do you struggle with most? Why do you like/struggle with these learning styles? Do you prefer classes involving memorization, logic, creativity, or your physical senses?

I like to learn as I go, or do some sort of interest-oriented learning. I also learn well in interactive settings. I suck at very organized, rigid, parrot-y environments because they BORE me out of my mind as I don’t feel like I’m learning anything useful. I prefer creative classes as well as fast paced learning environments.

• How good are you at strategizing? Do you easily break up projects into manageable tasks? Or do you have a tendency to wing projects and improvise as you go?

I am a better tactician than strategist, but I would say I do pretty good at calculating, although I don’t have “extreme” far sight, I do have pretty decent strategy mid-term. As in, at MOST, thinking a couple months ahead in any detail, and past that it’s just this very general thought. A good example of this was a class which required booting a member off of a group project. After thinking about it and the group suggesting ideas about what would happen (if it was real or a drill, basically), and due to my role as the worst performer in the group by a little, as well as a majority that would be hard to swindle in my direction (to force someone else out), I decided the best course of action was voting myself out. I don’t really care about the grade - if it was real - and I had a confident guess in that if there was any choice they’d protect me. Went down as expected.

I usually wing it, because I am not a big organizer and planning everything to a T is boring, so I plan as I go.

• What are your aspirations in life, professionally and personally?

I haven’t thought that far, I have my career planned out ≈6 years ahead and after that, it’s basically open a private psychology clinic when I have enough clients and some money to my name and work towards a 25-30hr week.

As to personally, to die feeling happy for the life I’ve lived, devoid of regrets (accepting the inevitable regrets of course). I would like to have a family and be a good dad. I daydream a bunch about that - being a dad that helps his kids become what they want to be.

• What are your fears? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you hate? Why?

Fears: to be trapped. To be helpless - as in, to not have any control. To fuck up so royally I can’t unfuck the situation up. To die. To die alone. To die alone, hating myself. To be extremely lonely - I don’t mind solo time, but not having the option of socializing sounds depressing as shit. To live in pain. To lose my mind.

Uncomfortable: extreme and endless emotion from others. I like some, I try to help. But endless emotion is annoying.

Hate: discomfort. Non-negotiable demands. Control/people I don’t fully trust having any significant power over me. Pain. Manipulation. Being taken advantage of. People that are permanently negative.

• What do the "highs" in your life look like?

Can be euphoria, achievement, peace…

• What do the "lows" in your life look like?

Extreme negativity & frustration, paranoia, depression, nihilism, and a sense of profound negativity. Can be aggressive, both literally and in my path to feeling better.

• How attached are you to reality? Do you daydream often, or do you pay attention to what's around you? If you do daydream, are you aware of your surroundings while you do so?

I have a bit of a phobia with losing my mind (a phobia which is not very reasonable in nature, but it’s a deep fear), so I try to keep myself somewhat grounded, and especially lately I have been making an effort to use facts and not just raw logic to deal with my anxieties. Otherwise, not very much. I am an optimist in nature, sometimes to a very strong degree. I daydream a lot. I am not generally very aware of my physical environment, in an autopilot way. I bump into doors on the daily.

• Imagine you are alone in a blank, empty room. There is nothing for you to do and no one to talk to. What do you think about?

How I am going to get myself out of said room.

• How long do you take to make an important decision? And do you change your mind once you've made it?

Varies between 0 and infinity, although I have been making a conscious effort to overthink these less. I can either stick to it like glue or change my mind a lot when neither polarity looks obviously right. With most things I change my mind often.

• How long do you take to process your emotions? How important are emotions in your life?

Varies between 0 and infinity, I let small things go easily and don’t get stuck, but I can get very stuck on hard feelings which I will just avoid. I have a pretty big avoidance issue. Remembered I *have* emotions like 3 years ago.

Not very important in a conscious way, although I am trying to give them more importance. Maybe a 3/10. I do like some emotion but I don’t want them on 24/7 and I don’t want all of the emotions, even though I cognitively understand their importance. I am not a big time emotion person though, and will override them if they’re inconvenient and it’s possible. Boredom does drive me a lot, so I guess that is some extra importance. Maybe 4/10. I don’t have the easiest time empathizing but when I do it’s this deep, profound sense of giving a fuck.

I don’t usually talk about my emotions because a good part of the time I don’t even know what I’m feeling.

• Do you ever catch yourself agreeing with others just to appease them and keep the conversation going? How often? Why?

Sometimes, although I mostly do it because I think strongly disagreeing with people on what they do is disrespectful because who am I to tell others how to live their life. I don’t have a problem with being a skeptic, though. If I want to keep the conversation going, I might agree on something I think is dumb and wrong and just change the conversation ASAP to something that does interest me and is debatable. I don’t agree for the sake of agreeing, I don’t have a problem debating objective things.

Additionally I like to keep conversations open and don’t usually believe in “one absolute truth” but rather multiple perspectives that add up to that theoretical one truth.

• Do you break rules often? Do you think authority should be challenged, or that they know better? If you do break rules, why?

On a daily basis. Authority should be challenged insofar as it exceeds it’s role as a purely pragmatic organism for co-existence. I’m not going to be one to be belligerent with a cop, though, as it’s pointless. I would try to persuade him instead. I believe that if you want to challenge authority you better do it in one devastating blow that cannot be rebuffed. I break rules because 1) i enjoy the act of rebellion 2) because sometimes (most times) the rules suck and are imperfect as shit 3) because they’re in my way and I can get away with it

I don’t usually do direct rebellion to an authority figure, as breaking rules via loopholes is more satisfying and works better. I will ocasionally challenge authority with logic.

A sign has no power over my actions unless I let it have power over them. I respect consequences far more.

I respect mutual respect. I share my uber car with a guy who is great and super dope, as well as a bit of a neatness enjoyer. I am a messy guy, however I will clean the car pretty damn well because I respect him and want him to be happy.