I'll try to keep the identifying info vague, but I've been dating my bf for just over 2 years, we're in our early-mid twenties, and his parents live in another state, so there haven't been any opportunities to meet them besides now.
His parents are flying here in a few weekends, and he and I agreed it would be a good time for me to meet them. He gives them the heads up and organizes a small get together, and suddenly his mother drops the ball that she doesn't want to meet me.
I'm really upset, because her reason for not wanting to meet me doesn't make any sense. Because he has recently started working and has a stricter schedule, he's been slowly gaining independence from her, which she attributes to ME. She has made it very clear that she hates me, and blames my existence for the fact that his preferences for what he wants to do with his time sometimes don't include them, and cannot just drop everything for her. Things that normal adults face. If his mother got her way, he'd be at her beck and call 24/7, and his life would be hers to control. It's not that he only wants to be around me or I am his whole life. He has work, colleagues, friends of his own that he spends time with, but somehow I am the one driving them apart.
I'm here because I'm questioning staying in this relationship. Here are some of the conflicting thoughts I've had:
- I know we're young so marriage is really far away, but I don't know if I can see myself dealing with this for the rest of my life. I don't think this is a problem solved by time.
- He had the greenest flag reaction of all time. He is equally frustrated by his parents, definitely denounces their behavior and is super upset by them. Spent a long time comforting me. He also sees through their bs and is not the type to break up with me because of irrational reasons like this.
- I just don't see him ever cutting them out. Maybe this isn't a con. He's pretty proactive and thinks it is within his ability to improve his and his parents relationship and therefore give them a chance to get to know me in a better light. I admit I am doubtful. But we're young, and maybe that doesn't change anything, but there's a lot of time between now and a real breaking point. Or, in other words, a lot of time for us to clear misunderstandings and mend whatever this is. I appreciate that he's not putting the burden of reconciliation on me (or telling me to just live with it).
I'd appreciate any advice