u/Confident-Movie-995 — reddlx

I’m 20 years old now and I’m just having a really hard time with my family. We aren’t in any fights or anything, it’s just that our relationships with each other feel so transactional. I’m only going to college because the rest of my family besides my mother wants me to go or else I will be a failure to them (my mother wants me to go but she is the only one who treats me unconditionally). I am pursuing music and I think going to college for it is really dumb in my opinion just because I can get voice lessons outside of it. I don’t need the rest.

My family also has never asked me once how I have been doing. Only how am I doing with school or work. My mental health never matters it seems like. The only time my family has been somewhat worried is when I cut myself a lot and my mom came in. And the other example is when my mom told my grandma I was on Zoloft for anxiety and she got worried and said I shouldn’t have anxiety. I guess she doesn’t realize an abusive father who left and a mom who made her kid grow up fast dosent have anxiety issues.

Today I just asked my mom if this is how our family is. I asked “when you grew up would you of been a failure and a nobody to our family if you didn’t do college” she said “yes that’s all we know, that’s how we have always been” it doesn’t seem right to me at all. Unless I’m overreacting but I don’t know. I understand others have it worse and I should be grateful my family is willing to pay for my tuition and all of that. But something just feels wrong.