I (22M) have been dating my girlfriend (19F) for several months. My best friend (22M) and I have been close for almost ten years.
Recently, my friend suggested that he and my girlfriend get an apartment together since they’re both in positions where moving out makes sense financially. I initially said it sounded logical, but the more I thought about it, the more uncomfortable I became.
For context:
- I still live at home while finishing school and working on long-term career goals, so moving out right now isn’t realistic for me.
- My friend is financially stable and ready to move out.
- My girlfriend works full-time and wants more independence from her current living situation.
I trust both of them and don’t think anything inappropriate would happen. My concern is more about the dynamic. My friend is someone I usually go to for advice, and he already tends to get involved when I’m dealing with relationship issues. My girlfriend also struggles with setting firm boundaries sometimes.
There was also a recent situation where we took a short break after an argument, and during that time they met up and talked about our relationship. I found out from my girlfriend, not friend. Nothing happened, but it did make me feel a bit uncomfortable about how involved he is in our relationship.
My concern is that if they live together:
- It could blur boundaries between my relationship and my friendship
- I wouldn’t really have a “separate space” to process things about either anymore
- It might create situations where conflicts between me and one of them indirectly involve the other. I don't want to get into a fight with my girlfriend and have to also fight my best friend.
I talked to my girlfriend about it, and she said she wouldn’t move in with him if I wasn’t comfortable with it. I appreciate that, but I also don’t want to be controlling or limit her independence if I’m being unreasonable.
So AITA for not being okay with them living together, even though it makes sense for them financially and logistically?