u/Comfortable-Area-548

I (27F) have been with my boyfriend (27M) for 7 years, and we’ve lived together for about 2.5 years in NYC. Our rent is about $4k/month, which he pays.

He’s a pilot making around $450k/year and usually has 17–20 days off a month. I’m a special education teacher making about $55k/year, working a standard 9–5.

Our current setup:

He pays rent, dinners out, and vacations

I pay utilities (~$150/month), groceries (~$500/month — we shop at Whole Foods because he prefers it), and household items

I do most of the cleaning

We both cook, but usually separate meals (he enjoys cooking)

Lately, he’s been saying I should “contribute more.” I’m honestly not sure what else I can reasonably do given my income. After my share of expenses, the rest of my money goes toward my personal costs.

At one point, he suggested I contribute $1,000/month toward rent because it would make him feel better, but then he took that back. Before we moved in, he said he wanted a “wife, not a roommate,” which has been on my mind because I don’t fully understand what he expects from me.

From my perspective, I’m contributing what I can financially and also handling a lot of the household responsibilities. But his comments make me feel like I’m falling short somehow.

TL;DR: My boyfriend makes significantly more than me and pays rent, while I cover groceries, utilities, and most cleaning. He says I should “contribute more,” but I feel like I already am within my means. Not sure if I’m missing something or if expectations just aren’t clearly defined.

I (27F) have been with my boyfriend (27M) for 7 years, and we’ve lived together for about 2.5 years. We’re based in NYC in a high-rise apartment with rent around $4k/month, which he fully covers.

For context, he’s a pilot making about $450k/year and typically has 17–20 days off per month unless he picks up overtime. I’m a special education teacher earning about $55k/year, working a standard 9–5, Monday through Friday.

Here’s how we currently split things:

He pays rent, dinners out, and vacations

I pay utilities (\~$150/month), groceries (\~$500/month — we shop at Whole Foods per his preference), and household items

I do all of the apartment cleaning and both our laundries.

We both cook, but usually separate meals (he enjoys cooking a lot)

Lately, he’s been telling me I need to “contribute more,” but I genuinely don’t know what else I can realistically add. After my household expenses, the rest of my income goes toward personal costs and im very grateful for that.

At one point, he suggested I contribute $1,000/month toward rent, saying it would make him feel better — but then he backtracked on that. Before we moved in together, he said he wanted a “wife, not a roommate,” but sometimes it feels like he resents me for not contributing enough financially.

He doesn’t really pay for anything beyond what I listed, aside from occasional gifts for birthdays or anniversaries.

I’m trying to better understand:

How couples with a large income gap typically divide finances and responsibilities

Whether “contributing more” usually means financially, domestically, or emotionally

How to have a clearer conversation about expectations so neither of us feels resentful

TL;DR: My boyfriend makes significantly more than me and pays rent, while I cover groceries, utilities, and most cleaning. He says I should “contribute more,” but I feel like I already am within my means. Not sure if I’m missing something or if expectations just aren’t clearly defined.