u/CombinationSpare3244

Distance ricochets between us,

Rattling the longing in my heart.

Words hang unspoken,

Texts remain in draft.

The air is heavy with regret,

The weight of what I didn't say,

The ghosts of what I did.

I close my eyes and my stomach turns,

Trying to purge my clumsy actions.

Memory is a cruel dictator,

Unreliable and fixated

On what went wrong.

Never surfacing the positives,

The ease of friendship or hint of desire.

I remain awkward,

Crystallised as I cringe.

Why can't I flourish like other girls?

When you return I'll be renewed,

I will glide with confidence,

Seduce you with my aura.

This week I've missed you,

I will make you miss me next time.

After years of feeling dead inside in a failing marriage which eventually broke down, I was resigned to a lifetime of spinsterhood.

Relationship aside my life is pretty good - great teenage kids who are fun to spend time with, a nice house and a career I absolutely adore. I therefore wasn't that bothered about being single.

Then this new guy started at work and I was blindsided by the attraction. He's really smart, articulate, funny and kind but mostly he's a sexy silver fox with gorgeous hazel eyes and a smile to die for. We have become really good friends and he's been a great source of advice during my divorce (we separated 2 years ago but divorce dragging).

I think he feels the chemistry too - from my side it's insane - and one night we sat with our legs touching under the table on a work night out and the intensity was amazing.

I am loving every interaction we have but would never jeopardise my job as it's genuinely my dream position. So my feelings remain hidden and I may never know if they are reciprocated but my God it makes getting up at 5.30am for work easier!!

I drink your presence in

But you don't slake my thirst

I feast on your beauty

But my hunger still growls

I smell the sweetness of your scent

But my airways remain blocked

I hear the silk in your voice

But it's not music to my ears

I read the story told by your eyes

But long for another chapter

I want to feel you with all my senses

And never be satisfied

But you're not mine to enjoy

Another gets to overload on you

But you remain my craving

My infinite pleasure

You took me completely by surprise,

My shell of a body has been dead inside,

But you sparked something I cannot name,

Are you my soulmate? My twin flame?

I've never felt a connection so deep,

Yearning for something I'm desperate to keep.

We share laughter and heartache,

Our eyes cannot fake

That this feels really special

The chemistry incredible

But most of all earning

The love we are yearning

Whispered compliments when we're alone

Your memory my company all the way home

He has a long-term partner and I know he'd never cheat. I wouldn't ever put him in that position either. He's a really nice person. He's also my ideal man. The common ground is insane and we just click. I've never felt this with anyone before. The more I get to know him, the more I discover that I like. However, I know for him it's just a friendship.

My worry is that I'm feeding my crush by spending time with him when I should be nipping it in the bud. The truth is that I don't want to. I can't help but enjoy the churn in my stomach when I'm around him or the pleasure I get from talking to him.

My head and my heart are contradicting each other.

Why do I beg like a dog

Waiting for the crumbs you drop?

My rational brain paused

Unable to see sense

You belong to someone else

I should step back from our friendship

But instead I wait

Hoping to catch a crumb

My stomach grumbles for more

Something substantial to feed my soul

You offer me crumbs

I devour them greedily