u/ColourAZebra

It seems that the vast majority of this sub find this aesthetic eery, unsettling - sometimes even worthy of being blurred out with a NSFW block despite only being an image of a doorway.

I cognitively get why some may find images of abandoned spaces, or empty hotspots, or obsolete environments, weird or perhaps uncomfortable.

But I’m an outlier - I like them NOT because I think theyre unnerving. They’re comforting - they have a sense of regulation, expectation, quiet, peacefulness. Even safety, as crazy as that may sound to some of you.

am I alone in this?

Invisible again, just like I am in real life. If it’s not a meme, or if it’s not put on some popular subreddit and interpreted as interesting - if it’s just me, in all my destroyed mental state - I go ignored, once again.

I can shitpost memes about trauma, and pain, and suffering - not because I think it’s funny; I just want to be seen for once. I make posts on the popular subreddits about my psychotic, schizophrenic like symptoms, because apparently it’s too much of a hassle for a psychiatrist or health professional to reply to me. It’s all well and good for everyone to hyperfixate on autistics and ADHDers and anxiety; but a traumatised hallucinatee? Hell no - too uncomfortable. Too difficult to work through - who can be bothered with someone like that?

Even here, it’s the same. Im pretty sure my most successful post on this subreddit got 6 comments - one the automod. People think they get it but they don’t. People think theyre “alone” and “isolated”. You have no fucking idea. If I told you my definition, explained by my experiences, you’d realise that you do not get it. You think you are ”mentally ill” because you cant make eye contact or perceive social cues? Try full on hallucinating things that aren’t there, insects and blood and faces - try hearing Morse code beeps in your ears or thinking that the microwave sounds like the screams of a child - try feeling like spiders are crawling along your skin at night. Then tell me if you still appreciate your “mentally ill” label.

im so fucking over it. the same goes for supposed “trauma” half the time.

and don’t worry, I know my post will either be removed or unanswered.

Hi, repost because no one answered. Please any input on what I’ve been experiencing lately - I’d be grateful for any replies/thoughts/insight. NB: I AM NOT DIAGNOSIS SHOPPING

Im just going to make a bullet point list of what’s been happening - it’s not all there but a basic outline of my experiences:

- Mainly visual hallucinations (bleeding thumb, tv playing, lights on when they’re not, movements/shadow like glimpses, vivid spider/wire creepy thing, insects and stuff like that); formally brief but have been increasing in duration.

- Some auditory hallucinations (footsteps and breathing at night, chatter and tv sounds when alone or in the shower, Morse code like sounds from one side, alternating ear ringing)

- Speech difficulties (sometimes I feel like I’m drowning in my words, I know what I want to say and it’s clear in my head but I feel slow, rambling and aimless when I speak sometimes; most recently I’ve been getting tongue tied, not with a speech impediment but like I’m putting letters in the wrong place. My handwriting is also getting worse. Typing is fine though)

- Expressionless/no outward emotions apparently. I definitely feel very deeply internally especially lately but have always been told I don’t look it; more recently people have thought there’s something wrong/I’m in incredibly deep thought because I look like 😐.

- Social problems (I can’t make eye contact, never really have been able to; no friends; most recently ive been finding it really really hard just trying to make any conversation with my best friend that used to come easy - I’m just mute and I don’t even realise I’m being weird).

- Feeling generally disorientated at random points (don’t know how else to put it)

- Family history of mental illness (schizoaffective and schizophrenia in family)

Hi, I haven’t been active on reddit for quite a while but would like some input on what I’ve been experiencing lately - I’d be grateful for any replies/thoughts/insight. NB: I AM NOT DIAGNOSIS SHOPPING

Im just going to make a bullet point list of what’s been happening - it’s not all there but a basic outline of my experiences:

- Mainly visual hallucinations (bleeding thumb, tv playing, lights on when they’re not, movements/shadow like glimpses, vivid spider/wire creepy thing, insects and stuff like that); formally brief but have been increasing in duration.

- Some auditory hallucinations (footsteps and breathing at night, chatter and tv sounds when alone or in the shower, Morse code like sounds from one side, alternating ear ringing)

- Speech difficulties (sometimes I feel like I’m drowning in my words, I know what I want to say and it’s clear in my head but I feel slow, rambling and aimless when I speak sometimes; most recently I’ve been getting tongue tied, not with a speech impediment but like I’m putting letters in the wrong place. My handwriting is also getting worse. Typing is fine though)

- Expressionless/no outward emotions apparently. I definitely feel very deeply internally especially lately but have always been told I don’t look it; more recently people have thought there’s something wrong/I’m in incredibly deep thought because I look like 😐.

- Social problems (I can’t make eye contact, never really have been able to; no friends; most recently ive been finding it really really hard just trying to make any conversation with my best friend that used to come easy - I’m just mute and I don’t even realise I’m being weird).

- Feeling generally disorientated at random points (don’t know how else to put it)

- Family history of mental illness (schizoaffective and schizophrenia in family)