u/Cold_Question8402

I (20s F) ended things with the guy (20s M) I'd been dating casually for about two months. We only met up four times, and only kissed once. Nothing more physical than that. We'd been casual friends a few months prior to starting to date, and when he asked me out I figured I'd give it a shot, because we had a nice rapport, but I really wasn't feeling the spark, but got some advice to keep seeing him because "attraction builds."

Well, it hasn't. He's honestly a very nice and respectable guy, handsome, too. I just am not attracted to him as more than friends. I'm also a very busy person, so adding a whole new relationship that I'm not even super into into the mix was very unappealing to me. So I ended things over the phone over the weekend, which I thought was appropriate given the length and depth of the relationship thus far, but he is begging me to stay and "fight for us," so clearly he has a lot deeper feelings for me than I initially thought. He doesn't want me to "regret not giving us a go" because I'm being too hasty with breaking it off.

I kinda had hoped to go back to being more casual friends, especially since nothing really even happened between us, but I don't know what will happen now. I agreed to meet up with him one more time to "talk," but I can't lie I don't want to; we have mutual friends I'd really like to maintain, though, so I can't end on too sour of a note. We're meeting in a public place, so it shouldn't be too bad.

It's not as though we were even officially bf/gf or in any sort of long term partnership. I feel like such an asshole, though, because he didn't really do anything wrong for me to end things and he clearly likes me a lot, so maybe I am making a mistake? I just don't know.

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u/Cold_Question8402 — 16 days ago

I (24F) enjoy dating. I find it fun getting to meet and go out with people I normally wouldn't talk to/get a chance to know otherwise, but I've always found it difficult to date casually, because the people I date often fall hard and fast for me (it sounds egotistical, but I promise it's not me just tooting my own horn). As someone who doesn't want to settle for anything less than someone I'm attracted to emotionally, physically, and mentally (all 3/3, not just 1/3 or 2/3), it gets frustrating when I get the label of "heartbreaker," "man-eater," etc. after only going on 1-3 dates with a guy.

Why are they already in love with me and expecting me to be their one and only after only talking and going out occasionally? I don't sleep with people I'm not committed to, so it's not as though there's attachment there. But I've had like 3 guys in the past six months actually full-on sobbing to me when I tell them I don't think it's going to work out as a full-on relationship, begging me to "fight for us." After maybe two months of talking with one or two hang-outs peppered into it. I swear I'm not trying to lead them on, but I'm wondering if it's a vibe I'm giving off unintentionally. Do other people experience this? Is it a gender thing? Is it even possible to date casually, or is it really just wading through a pool of "I only want to sleep with you" vs "Nice to meet you, my bride to be" ?

reddit.com
u/Cold_Question8402 — 17 days ago