u/Clori26

It seems like, since the begining of the relationship, he has hated me and thought the worst of me, in-between telling me otherwise. He argued with me, accused me of things, and blamed me for all of it. He only apoglized when I pulled away, admitting to treating me badly, and promising to change. But he was quick to go back to blaming me and denying any wrongdoing. I rarely tried to hold him accountable, and the few times I did, he turned it around on me. He said he was a nice guy, everyone thought so, and they'd disagree with my perception of him. As time went on, he took out all of his frustrations on me, everything wrong in his life, in the relationship, was my fault. He threatened to leave during every argument. After I went back to his country with him, he constantly threatened to kick me out.

He said I was ruining the relationship for questioning his intentions, due to his hot and cold behavior, and contradictory statements talking one day about a future together, and then asking me what my plans for the future were the next. He seemed to resent having to help me, or do anything for me or with me. After a year he started accused me of ruining his life daily. He talked about breaking up repeatedly, and said I made him feel like a bad person. He told me, when I complained about how he was treating me, to leave if he was so bad, questioning why I stayed if he was, and telling me he wasn't forcing me to. He begged me not to when I tried, and promised to change. He went months after that being mean to and telling me in every argument, or disagreement, he didn't love me and never did.

He was mean to me, avoided me, and called me codependant and needy when I got upset over that. He went from, in the past getting upset with me speaking to my friends, and wanting all of my attention, to encourging me to talk to these same friends and getting annoyed when I didn't. For years it seemed he followed a cycle. Nice one day, mean and/or distant (often both) the next. He would start and/or esclate arguments, which he blamed me for, and would leave the room giving me the silent treatment for days. He did this back to back at times. He spent little to no time with me, and was mean to me whenever he was around me. Every time I went home, I wanted to stay back, but he'd beg me not to and tell me he needed me. He'd tell me for months after that he didn't want me around.

He told me to go home. He said he didn't force me to come back, it was my choice, when I asked him why he begged me to if he didn't want me here. He said he didn't love me, and when I said he used me then, he'd backpedal and say he was on the fence or was confused. I tried to get help from family to leave, and they wouldn't help. He complained about that, though he said he didn't want me gone. When it seemed they were going to help, he called them, and I believe sabotaged it but denied it, and then went back to complaining. Days after we got married, he threatened to divorce me. When we went to America last, I wanted to talk to family, and he begged me not to. He promsied everything would change. He said if I wanted to leave, he'd help me.

We came back, nothing changed. He kept promising to it would, and telling me he needed me here. He promised to change, to get better, and akwnowleged for the first time in years he has BPD. After I got upset with him several times over things he did, he started to complain about that, and saying that he wanted me gone, that he hates my family for not helping me, and that he is stuck with me. Over time, he has started to become more frequently hot and cold. One day telling me he loves me, spending time with me, talking about the future. The next day being distant, easily annoyed, disinterested, and complaining he needs space, seemingly bothered by my presence. This happens multiple times per week. Arguements, usually caused by me being upset with him, or criticizing him, brings it out him the most.

In the past week he's told me he wants me gone, and to go home, whilst also talking about moving out and a future together. With as much as he says he wants me gone, and acts like he can't stand me, and doesn't care, I think that's the truth. But he says he doesn't mean it, that he is angry, and that he means it when he's talking about wanting a future. Today, during an argument, he talked about divorce. Then said he didn't mean it, then when right back to saying it in another argument we had, and said he didn't mean it again. He refused to help me leave before, when I wanted to once we were back, though he said he would. He told me to do it alone. In America, twice now, he is has threatened to leave during arguments and acted like he was going to.

Last year, he suddenly worried about me slandering him, and ruining his life. He wanted me to delete videos, and photos, which were innocent but he said could make him look bad. He said he worried I'd send them to his teacher, or someone, but also said I could show my mother. I asked when I'd do that, and he said if we broke up. He has used his mother, and has tried to use mine, against me, attempting to convince them I am the issue. He got angry when I refused to delete anything. He said notes I have, about our issues, and the quantity of them could make me look abused, but denies I have been. I think that he wants me gone, but worries I'll slander him, and also doesn't want any part of it. Does it seem like that to anyone else? And has anyone else experienced this?

I have severe anxiety, which he was aware of before we met in person. I wore a mask and hoodie in public because of it. He said he was the last person who'd ever judge me over that, that he wore sunglasses and hoodie before due to his anxiety. I was oveweight, which he said he didn't mind. Then we met in person and not only did he not seem interested in me sexually, he also appeared to be embarrassed of me, not wanting to hold hands or do other things he talked about wanting to do online. He said he disliked PDA due to how he felt about himself. He helped me a lot, sending me money online that I tried to send back, and continuing to support me in person. A few days in he insisted on buying me things, even after I declined. He eventually held all of this over my head, and called me ungrateful, accusing me of taking advantage of him.

When I went back to the UK with him, which I said I shouldn't due as I lacked the money to support myself, he said he'd support me. But everything he did for me, and with me, seemed to be a hassle. He tried to push me to speak to his family, knowing I'd struggle, and then got angry when I did. When I went quiet around his friend, who he always tried to avoid but occasionally ran into with me, he called me inept afterwards. He said he didn't mean it, that he was just angry. He started to badmouth his mother to me, and use her against me, and it put me off interacting with her more. He refused to discuss my eating disorder times I tried, and said it was unhealthy to do that according to a therapist he had. He had an eating disorder, as well, but showed little understanding towards any of the feelings I had because of it.

He looked at me confused times I was struggling with it, he didn't offer any comfort, and he crticized me for things I did because of it like when I ate after purging, felt badly about that, and he asked me why I did that and called it stupid. Times I cried, he crticized me, called me a basket case. He pushed me to go for help, but it didn't feel like it was in a caring way. Eventually, he started threatning to go to her during arguments, along with his grandmother, lied about doing so, and fabricated things they'd said. He then assured me he wouldn't speak badly of me to anyone. I would look to him to talk for me in social situations, when someone approached me. He started to complain about that, telling me it made us both look stupid, and gave him anxiety. I pushed myself to talk to someone, and said I was proud of it after.

He said the same but a second later told the woman, who had a mask on, frowned at me. I asked why he said that and he said he didn't know. We went to an ATM, where I tried to tell him something repeatedly, and he didn't respond to me. I got a bit frustrated and he told me the two men behind us, who were laughing, were laughing at me. I continued to talk to people, and stopped wearing the mask and hoodie, but he still crticized me any time I slipped up. He complained about how it affected him, his anxiety, and how awkward it was, and made me feel bad. He told me people gave me dirty looks because of it. He did things in public, which made me think he was embarrassed of me still, but that he chalked up to his anxiety. He'd go quiet on me abruptly around people, and said he didn't like to talk around others, but then would stand and talk to someone he ran into.

He said he felt he had to do that, and to appear normal, but he seemed to behave differently around orher people. I eventually regained weight I previously lost, after which he showed more interest in me, and told me if I looked that way when we met he would've been all over me. That was after he started taking meds he claimed killed his libido. He stopped showing as much interest right away, blamed the meds, and said it had nothing to do with my weight and never did. But then, when I reached the weight I was when we met in person, he told me I let myself go. I gained more weight and he called me fat and ugly and said guys prefer thinner women. He said he didn't mean it, only said it to hurt me, and I said similar to him over his weight, which he started to gain shortly after we met. I started to wear the mask again, and covered up.

He said he didn't mind that but also pushed me to take it off, and said it looked stupid if certain circumstances, not wanting me at the mechanics with him when I had it on. He said after that it was a good thing, that it proved he wasn't embarrassed of my appearance as I thought, but of the mask. He was wearing a hoodie at the time, due to feeling insecure over his body, and when I mentioned that, he said it wasn't the same thing. He asked me to take the mask off before going into stores sometimes, and said it would make him less anxious. He crticized a baggy hoodie I wore, not wanting to go in a store with me, and telling me I didn't look properly dressed. He started to seem on edge in public two years ago. He stood apart from me, spoke to me less, and walked off when I was speaking to him.

He crticized my request for him to stand closer. He gave me a dirty look when I excitedly scoffed after finding a dessert I was looking for, and told me it wasn't aimed at me, but at the situation and at it possibly drawing attention to us, two oveweight people looking at and scoffing at desserts. He went into the nearby tesco alone, came out in a panic, and claimed he nearly ran into an old female classmate. He refused to go in anywhere with me the next day, and said it was because he was bloated, and he'd resume going in once he no longer was. He told me a few days later he wasn't bloated, and felt better, but refused to go in still. He said that two male employees in tesco looked at him, and made him uncomfortable, and that was the first time he mentioned that. For nearly a month he refused to go in places with me.

When I questioned and challenged him, he became angry and defensive, and said he didn't need a reason to avoid going in, and didn't have to if he didn't want to. He started going in again, but seemed more on edge. He said the male employees in asda, right beside Tesco, were also staring at him. He complained about the frequency we were going in, and the fact it was late at night, and said he'd be less anxious if we went in less and earlier in the day. We went in less, and he was the same. I tried to go in earlier in the day, and he refused, telling me it was too busy. And yet, he was okay to go in alone during those times, including to places we used to go, that he started to avoid. He walked off, and blanked me, whenever it sounded like female employees in both stores were heading our way, or when they were around us.

He appeared to hide his face when walking past one of them in tesco. He rushed me in tesco especially, and got annoyed if I stood for a long time, or was on my phone. He drove out of his way to go to another town, to go to the same stores, but eventually became on edge in the stores there, and wanted to avoid them. He wanted advanced notice of where I wanted to go, not wanting to go same day. In the city, hours away, he appeared to hide from two women. I already suspected him of cheating, and started to suspect he was hiding me because of that. He said he was avoiding places due to anxiety caused by his weight gain. It got to a point where we were hardly going anywhere, and the only times we did were days he went to his class, or his volunteering, where he invited me to go with him. He told me people he volunteered with invited me in, several times, but discourged me when I tried to go in.

He said I'd get overwhelmed, and I said I'd try. He said that he was question the validity of my anxiety if I managed to. He started complaining about wanting space, and wanting to go alone to his class and volunteering, and did several times. We went to America, twice, where each time he avoided going in places there with me. Doing so more so the last time, opting to sit in the car, whilst continuing to behave suspciously. He stopped wearing his ring, and when I noticed that, he said it didn't fit. I wanted to stay back, but he begged me not to, and told me everything would change and we'd go more places. That we'd go to the city once a week. We came back, he continued to not wear his ring, after buying a new one in the same size because he supposedly lost the other. He told me he wanted to do whatever it took to rebuild trust, and turned his locaiton on 24/7.

He acknowledged, as he had before, that it looks like he's cheated. But he continued to behave suspciously, and got angry when questioned, telling me his location was on. We didn't go anywhere like he said we would. The few times we did, he tried to talk me into going to the beach or a park instead, and seemed more willing to go there as opposed to the city or nearby towns. When we went to them, he asked to go to the cinema, and pushed for it, when I didn't want to go. He kept promising we'd go more places, and said we would over the summer, but then claimed he was having bad OCD triggered by something, and couldn't go anywhere even a park in town. He said things would change after that, and they didn't. He kept insisting he wasn't hiding me, and said he'd prove it by going places earlier, or going into a shopping centre we used to go to.

Then, when I'd try to take him up on that, he wouldn't. He was okay with going into the grocery stores for a while, and we were going every day. But after staying up all night after I went to bed, he complained the next day he was too anxious to go to the grocery store, and tried to limit how many places we could go. Then he started pushing me to get takeaway every night, when we couldn't afford it, just like he did last year, including when I was about to go into the store alone as if he didn't want me to do that. He started to rush me in the stores again, when I was already rushing, and we were in there for no more than 15mins. I didn't go in anywhere for a few months, because of my anxiety, and how he makes me feel worse in public. He seemed on edge still, even when sitting in the car outside of the grocery stores, or at the park in town. He didn't want me touching his face.

He wanted to get in and out of town quickly, when we used to sit around, and he didn't want to do that. He discourged me several times from going places, including the mechanics again, and seemed frustrated that I insisted on going. Now, months later, he keeps promising we will do more, but then doesn't, and still mostly offers to go to the park or the beach, and then doesn't even do that. He blames his anxiety, and says it isn't because he's cheating or embarrassed of me. Yesterday, he rushed me at the grocery store, badgering me about how they were closing soon, and claiming the employees were being aggressive and had been aggressive towards him, getting annoyed other nights telling him they were closed or were closing soon. Before he did this, he seemed to freeze up when female employee was beside us, and stopped responding as much.

A while back we went into an aisle with a female tesco employee in it, who was busy stocking the shelves, and wasn't paying attention to us. I heard him utter "Just don't look" but he denied that. Another thing he's done is to encourage me to see his grandmother for years, doing so last year before we went to America, and then discourging me after we came back. He invited me to go but talked me out of it after I agreed to. He said it was awkward because I am mute. Then he tried to push me to go after that, including days ago when he went to get a new car with her, and said I'd be sitting with her just for a few mins. I said no, and he said I did it before. I asked if I could get out with him to see the car. He said the guy wouldn't take him seriously if I did, that he wanted to appear confident and like he knew what he was talking about.

He denies he judges or shames my anxiety most of the time, other times admitting he has, but that I would do the same if I had to do things like talk for him when it made me anxious. He said he isn't judging my mask, that he is anxious over it because it draws attention to him, and triggers his anxiety. That he supports me wearing it, and supports my anxiety most of the time.