u/Clear_Handle7569

My mom is 85 with age-related memory loss, significant hearing loss, and advanced knee degeneration in both knees that seriously affects her mobility and stability. After months of arranging it, we finally got a home aide coming in daily — which is genuinely a relief and I'm grateful for it.

But two weeks in, I'm realizing I had assumptions about what the aide would actually do, and I'm not sure if those assumptions were realistic.

What I've observed so far is that the aide checks in, does some light tasks here and there, and mostly keeps my mom company — watching TV with her, chatting, that kind of thing. I do value that. My mom responds well to having someone there.

What I had hoped would happen: help with her home elliptical, daily walks, vacuuming, dusting, laundry. The stuff that keeps her physically active and her home livable.

Here's the wrinkle I'm running into. My mom is proud and a little set in her ways. If the aide asks and my mom says "no thanks" — because she's embarrassed, because she doesn't want to be fussed over, or honestly just because she'd rather sit — none of those things get done. So my question is: is the expectation that the aide follows my mom's lead entirely? Or is there a way to set a baseline of things that happen regardless?

I put together a simple daily logbook with yes/no checkboxes so the aide has a clear reminder of what I'd like done each week. But I genuinely don't know if that's overstepping, or if it's actually a reasonable tool to use.

I'm not here to complain about the aide — she seems kind and my mom likes her, which matters a lot. I just don't understand the boundaries of this type of care well enough to know what I can reasonably ask for.

A few specific questions for anyone who's been through this:

1. Is home aide care largely driven by what the client requests in the moment, or can the family set standing tasks the aide is expected to complete?

2. Is a logbook/checklist a reasonable ask, or does it come across as overstepping?

3. How do you handle a parent who resists help even when they need it?

Would really appreciate any guidance from people who've navigated this. I want to advocate for my mom without being demanding toward someone who's genuinely there to help her.?

​I am curious if anyone here has good information sources for diving into the repair and servicing of quartz and digital watches. I understand the basics, but I would welcome resources for debugging circuits, stepper motors, LCD functionality, etc.

​I know it’s a wide range of topics and they vary from watch to watch, but I thought I’d ask the community to see what technical sources others use and where they go for information.