My boyfriend (well ex now ig) just broke up with me this weekend and I am so beyond devastated, shocked, and a complete mess. To give background: my boyfriend (23M) and I (22F) met in high school. We started dating at the beginning of his freshman year of college - my senior year of high school. His college was local, but I went further away so we’ve done long distance for all 4 years (almost I literally graduate in 3 weeks). Long distance was hard but we legit had 3 weeks left until I was moving back home to him and my family. He first brought up how he was struggling to know who he was and love himself about 2.5years ago, but we agreed that he would work on himself while remaining together. The following year, he asked for a break for the same reason. This break was about a month. During the course of our relationship, I have had to ask him to step up more kind of repeatedly, but just in small ways. He was putting in effort (anyone who’s done long distance knows it takes a lot to not allow conversations to become routine and stay connected when we wouldn’t see each other for months at a time). It was just small things.
Now, 1.5 years later since that break, he broke up with me this weekend stating the same reasoning. He said he couldn’t give me the love that I deserve when he has barely enough love for himself. He said he had recently been struggling more with it (and he just never told me or anyone). That he’s lost. That he’s still so in love with me and that this is the hardest thing he’s ever had to do. That this is a right person, wrong time thing. He was crying and I was too. I asked him if there was someone else (which I honestly highly doubt he never made me worry about that kind of thing) and he looked devastated that I even asked and said no absolutely not. This was all over a 2hr phone call… when we were going to see each other again so soon and never have to worry about distance again. He was gonna come to my college graduation, this should be a time of celebration?? I am so so blindsided. He called me after I asked if he could show a little more effort in our communication, I thought it would just be a small fix, a gentle reminder through his 55hr work week that I’m still here too. He had just been talking about our future together ONE DAY before this happened. But that was it, there was no recent arguments prior to this, there were no signs, he genuinely seemed happier because he had just started a job that he’s good at. I genuinely thought that we had finally made it through.
I asked him if he had talked to literally anyone about his more recent mental struggles, he said no. I asked him if he talked to anyone about this decision to break up with me, also “no”. He’s always tried to deal with things himself and it just builds up. After the previous break, I told him if he ever needed some space to just focus on himself then to just text me and I would absolutely oblige (keep in mind there’s already physical space between us from the distance, but I meant texting).
He asked for no contact which I found inhumane, how can one just turn off that switch after so many years. His break up was also very confusing and seemed unprepared (although he’s not great at putting his thoughts into words). I told him that he owed me 2 things. 1 - this was all so blindsiding and as I process this, he would respond to any questions that come up. And 2 - a conversation in person when I get home (in about 3.5 weeks from now). He agreed. In the past 2 days I’ve decided I’m just gonna ask my questions when we see each other, so we haven’t spoken since this breakup phone call. To allow him to really feel it ig and to not mix in lost tone that comes from texts that would only make it more confusing. He was saying how this has absolutely nothing to do with me (which I actually believe tbh, I’m a pretty low maintenance person and have shown him nothing but love and patience). He said who knows where we’ll end up, and the cards may fall in our favor. One of the last things he said before I hung up was “I’ll come find you again”.
I am so so devastated. I am heartbroken. This is my first breakup and it’s his too. I just want him back. We had planned a future together. My world just feels like it’s crumbling down. I do have my own ambitions as I plan on attending law school in a year, but oh my god I feel like my heart has been ripped out. The timing of it with me graduating and being done with LD so soon, it coming out of absolute no where since we had seemed so strong this semester, like we had truly hit a stride. I didn’t know the last time I’d hug and kiss him would be the last time and that’s killing me. I don’t know what to do. Everything in me wants to fix this. Please help.