TW: SA and coersion I need some perspective from people who might understand.
At the start of my relationship, around two years ago, I woke up in a half asleep state to feel my partner grabbing my chest and grinding against me from behind. I was mentally awake but physically couldn't move. I remember thinking clearly "what is going on" and deciding to just wait until it stopped. When I asked him about it he denied it completely rather than offering any innocent explanation.
I do have sleeping issues - troubled sleep, nightmares - so I want to be fair and consider whether this could be related to that. But in my entire life, despite all of my sleep problems, I have never experienced anything like this before or since. The only thing that changed was that I confronted him about it. After I asked him directly it never happened again.
Nearly two years later he has repeatedly done sexual things I've explicitly told him I don't like. I've had to physically remove his hand multiple times and he only stopped after the third time.
I also once had a bad high after taking too many edibles where I felt completely certain he was doing things to me even though I could see he wasn't. I know that wasn't real. But I wonder if my body was holding onto something real and the high brought it to the surface.
Does the fact that the sleep incident never happened before, never happened again after I confronted him, and fits a pattern of boundary violations make it more likely it was real? Or could my sleep issues explain it?
We have separated and shared a child and I am debating what to do about custody- we have an informal agreement that he has our kid 2 nights a week but I just don't feel very comfortable with it. Especially considering we have a daughter.