Hello, I just wanted to come on here to see if there is a common consensus on what I could do to make a relationship with my girlfriend more stable over the long term. I am aware that she may split on me, devalue me, and go in and out of states of apathy, but I'm just wondering if there is anything else I should take note of? I have done more research outside of this. I just want to get the perspectives and thoughts of people with the disorder.
This topic is something I feel isn't talked about enough on this subreddit. Blame shifting is the main contributor that makes BPD breakups so toxic and painful.
When I first got broken up with, I thought I was an awful human being and that everything that my partner did to me was justified due to my actions. This is not the case in almost any scenario.
PwBPD often split on their partner because of a mildly irritating action made by their partner, this could be as small as asking "are you ok" one too many times, or not wanting to go to the grocery store at midnight to get them a snack. All of a sudden, "you're annoying" and "you don't care about them". This often causes the non-BPD partner to obsess over this one attribute about themselves, and truly think that they were the issue the entire time.
I have seen many people on this subreddit go through the same experiences I did; they try to shrink and constantly accommodate their PwBPD partner, and eventually blame themselves for their partner's abandonment of them.
If you're reading this and you're facing this issue as of right now, I just want you to know that whatever you did isn't nearly as bad as your ex-partner is making it up to be. I know you're probably spiraling and thinking about all the things you could've done better in your relationship, but the reality is no human is perfect, and a regular, healthy couple would've figured out a way to work through those issues instead of discarding you like you never meant anything to them.
If you're all done reading this and still not sure if you're in the wrong, and still feel awful about yourself, you can DM me, and I can give you extra insight on your situation.