I honestly don’t know what’s wrong with me anymore or how to change it
I honestly don’t know what’s wrong with me anymore or how to fix this.
I want a normal life so badly. I want friends, relationships, hobbies, memories, goals, experiences, all the things normal people seem to build naturally over time. The problem is that I can’t seem to force myself to actually live. I spend most of my life stuck inside my own head wanting things but never being able to fully act on them.
I struggle horribly with deeper relationships too. I can talk to people on a surface level, especially at work, but anything beyond that feels impossible. I overthink everything, isolate myself, avoid people, then feel miserable because I’m lonely. It’s like I crave connection constantly but my brain treats it like a threat at the same time.
My self esteem is also completely destroyed. I have a lot of insecurities and body image issues, and no matter how much I improve something externally, mentally it never changes. I lost weight, tried improving myself, tried medication, tried “putting myself out there,” but deep down I still feel inferior to everyone around me.
The worst part is how painful this kind of life becomes after years. Watching people your age grow emotionally, build relationships and actually live while you feel mentally frozen in place hurts more than I can explain. I genuinely feel left behind by life.
I’m tired of wanting things so badly but feeling physically and mentally incapable of building them.