u/Cjk_random

I don’t want to self diagnose but idk everything just feels to intense rn.

I’m diagnosed with depression. I was on anti depressants for maybe a year before I was taken off. I had a horrible councillor it felt like she hated me for no reason. I don’t remember anything about my medication apart from to was an SSRI.

I always assumed my “low moments” were just depressive episodes and they probably just are I’m probably over reacting but they are a lot. I get a lot of suicidal thoughts. I can feel one of those moments coming because over the last few days there’s been more thoughts. I don’t plan on killing myself sometimes I just feel I don’t want to exist.

I don’t even think about that when I’m actually happy I feel incredible. Absolutely amazing. I’m actually able to do things. My hobby’s, clean my room, shower. I absolutely grind in the gym I feel incredible. This hit and I haven’t been to the gym, my room is a state, I don’t remember when I last showered or washed my clothes. I was non stop thinking about this girl I like and now I couldn’t care less about her.

I was happy for the last bit. Very happy. Now I don’t want to do anything. I feel like everyone is against me and everyone hates me. It’s a pattern. When I’m happy those are just thoughts in the back of my head, when I’m down they are feelings I truly have. I get very paranoid all the time but more when I’m down. When I’m good I’m very hyperactive, I also have adhd so again I’m probably making things up. Last night I had good craic with my family and now I don’t want to do anything. I have a graduation party tonight and I’m not going. Usually I wouldn’t think twice because I love a good party especially with alcohol.

I haven’t been to a councillor in maybe 2 years. Iv been to 4 over 6 years. 1 from the HSE i believe, 2 from school and 1 grief councillor. My first one (hse) was amazing and got me my anxiety and depression diagnosis. My first one from school was an evil person I hated her so much the minute I felt happy she told me to stop my medication and I did. She was horrible I could go on and on. My second from school was so kind and I miss her. My grief councillor I stayed with the longest.

I felt like I needed her to actually function. I hated the idea of leaving because I got to talk to her about everything, not just specific things like the others but actually everything and I felt like she actually listened to me.

I don’t want to feel like shit and I don’t want to be bipolar but I don’t feel right I don’t feel normal. I’m paranoid and anxious, I’m depressed and have suicidal thoughts no one knows about. I’m an angry person.

I’m losing track of what I’m talking about because I just want to go back to sleep. I just needed to talk because no one here can tell me if I am or aren’t and I like that. No one can tell me what I am when irl they can and I don’t want it. My college has free councilling if I hold out for a few months I can talk to someone but I don’t want my parents to notice.

Basically bc I realised I don’t know what I’m saying anymore. Looking at symptoms of bipolar it feels right. I thought bpd a while ago but that was defo only in my head bc an ex gf of mine is going through the process of that i believe or at least was I don’t remember. Yes it could just be depression but i don’t know anymore I feel insane and I don’t feel like myself at all. I just found out I am about to start testosterone (I’m trans) and I should be happy and I was but I feel miserable now. Literally last week I found out and I got to be happy for a few days.

I’m not even saying anything because I just needed to get my thoughts out not all my details. If I get to a counsellor I will but for now I’m saying some things and just being able to relive myself

I got diagnosed with depression maybe 4 years ago. I was on medication and everything. I also have anxiety and ADHD. I’m 18 years old and if I had the money and health care wasn’t such a long wait I would have been tested for a million things

I get depressed a fair bit. One minute I’ll be doing great and just happy and enjoying life, the next I crash and don’t want to even exist. I don’t want to be dead or alive just not exist. The depression will be maybe a week or so then I’m fine again. Sometimes the depression is longer than a week but not usually. It’s just a depressive episode I guess but idk it just doesn’t feel right.

I’m definitely suicidal. I don’t plan on killing myself at all but I think about it. The minute i heard about the hantavirus the last few days my immediate thought wasn’t to panic but to decide if it became a pandemic I would just kill myself.

I knew a depressive episode was coming with how iv been feeling the last few days, slightly more thoughts of suicide. Again I don’t plan on commenting I don’t want to it’s just a thought in the back of my mind. I can feel it and it’s going to happen. Despite the fact I got some of the best news of my life recently that I’m finally starting testosterone (I’m trans) which will help me immensely mentally, iv just been getting depressed.

How do i explain “I have depression but I think it’s more than depression because my depressive episodes don’t feel right”. I sound stupid. For a little bit I thought BPD but no it’s definitely not that. That may have just been in my mind because my ex girlfriend is in the process of getting a screening for that I think? I don’t remember.

I felt good on anti depressants obviously. But from what i remember there were no crazy dips. I’m expecting depressive episodes but it just feels wrong. I’m happy, always talking with friends and family and everyone and happy. To not, not wanting to leave my room. Wanting to sleep all day and not sleeping at night. Not caring at all. I don’t know.

I want to go back to counselling just for something

I (18m) am about to start testosterone I’m about a month away. I’m also trying to lose weight and I have a lot of trouble with it. I’m in the gym and trying to focus on cardio and trying to better my diet but I know test will cause weight distribution but will it make me gain or lose?

I know it will help me build muscle which I’m also struggling with but I want to know how it will effect my weight/fat so I can know what to do for my workouts. I have a call on Thursday with a doctor but I’d like to get ahead. It will be roughly a month. Iv been waiting for this for years. If it makes me fat i wont change my mind but I want to know

Like most of my fat is in my stomach will it make me gain more fat? I think I could have phrased it slightly better bc my weight will go up with muscle or fat. Will I gain more fat ?