I (27m) am recently diagnosed with quiet BPD, along with a few other things, do what I'm told only to regret it.
Does anyone else deal with this?
I have a few other diagnosis aside from BPD, so I'm not sure why I may be doing this.
I definitely plan to bring it up to my therapist.
I've gotten a lot better over the years since I've left my abusive home, where I was also isolated from the ages of 6yrs - 18 yrs old. I used to do what ANYONE would ask or tell me to do, without any hesitation.
I'm sure it's obvious, but this typically got me into trouble.
People would say things like, "they weren't holding a g*n to your head were they??"
No, they weren't, but it sure felt like it.
The fear of disappointing anyone was so strong that it felt like I was being forced to do it.
Fast forward almost ten years, I'm 27 now, and it's been such a long and grueling process to get where I am now.
Yet I still end up in situations where I do what I'm told or what is asked of me, despite feeling like I really don't want to. I feel like I know better by now, like I should be done with this already. I'm so tired of the same old song and dance.
These days it usually happens with friends.
People I've trusted enough to let into my life, open up to, have set boundaries with, etc.
Yet for instance, if we're hanging out, and they ask me to drive 30 minutes in the rain to pickup something from the store, I will do it without question.
Even though on the inside I'm screaming "I don't want to do this." And "just tell them no! Just say you're tired, tell them not right now."
And I want to tell them about it, but I'm like, what can I possibly say? "Hey don't ask me to do things because I'll say yes even if I don't want to do them"....???
Because I definitely want to do some things for them, I love doing things for my friends, but on MY terms.
I just want to be able to say "no".
And I thought I figured this out by now.
But it has been a recurring issue throughout every relationship I have.
And this will usually lead to resentment, because they will start expecting said action of me, but I will never say "no" because it has gone on for too long.
I've even gotten to a point with a couple of people where I built up courage to sit with them and confront the issue. I used the DEAR MAN structure my therapist worked on with me, and told them how "I know I said yes a billion times and everything... But I can't do it anymore, I would appreciate if you stopped asking."
And oh my god that felt so terrifying and the guilt hit me so badly. But those friends were very understanding, and stopped asking for the specific action I had brought up.
BUT in those same relationships... I'm doing it again and again with MULTIPLE things..
They'll even ask me "are you sure?" Or say "I kinda feel bad asking" but I'll be like "oh yea ofc! Don't even feel bad, I goctchu" or something.
This is so confusing and scary because again, in my head I am screaming the opposite.
It's like my body and mouth are not in my control anymore.
Anyone else dealt with this?
What helped you?
TLDR: I do what my friends or loved ones ask without question, specifically when they ask for a favor, even if I don't want to on the inside. I have dealt with this for my entire life, and it has gotten MUCH better, (I don't just do ANYTHING I'm told by literally ANYONE like I did when I was 18).
It feels very automatic, like my body takes over, and neither I nor my mind have control. It just does it.
I also grew up in a very abusive home, and was socially isolated from the ages of 6yrs - 18 yrs old.
I was the 2nd oldest of 8 kids and I always did what my parents and older brother told me to do, even when it got me in trouble with one of them.
I'm so frustrated. I've dealt with this for so long, been in therapy for years, and it feels like I will always struggle.
EDIT: (I just found the "acted opposite to emotion" tag AFTER typing this all out, and am relieved to see it here lol. This has given me some hope that there is a reason (my BPD) and my therapist will likely have a solution.. I hope.)