u/Charming_Aside_8865

Last year, I was approved for disability due to a large fibroid through American Fidelity . I was approved and had it extended for mental health. Originally, it was short term, but became long term. Last October, I decided to go back to work. Well, within a matter of weeks, I started having health issues. I'm dealing with perimenopause. I passed out and ended up in the hospital. I'm dealing with heart issues and severe brain fog as well as a lap band that is making it near impossible to sleep at night. I spoke to my adjuster (who was very supportive when I was on disability). He told me everything looked good for me to continue my long term disability. I would go out on anemia, which was put in my original claim. Well, there was a gap in care. I was diagnosed with anemia back in October 2024. I was anemic after my surgery. I was told to take iron. My doctor ordered blood work back in April 2025. I didn't get it done till October 2025, which showed I was anemic. I did everything they asked me to do. I sent my records, but they kept asking for more and I was getting very confused. So I decided to file under Met Life, the policy I had with my employer when I went back to work. That has been even more of a nightmare. They wanted my to apply for EDD, which shocked me, because teachers usually don't pay into it. Since I was employed less than a year, they wanted to see my medical records from last year. They're claiming the anemia was a pre-existing condition. That even if I had my iron ordered as part of my blood panel it's pre-existing. They want more records and a note from my doctor. They said my doctor never put me out on disability. He did back in November and signed the AFI paperwork, but I don't want to tell them at AFI.

At this point, I don't see any other solution, but to get an attorney. Both claims haven't been denied, but I just want to know how to best proceed without getting a denial. However, I'm worried about the costs. The attorney told me today that things can be done on a contincency, which roughs out to be 5K. I asked her to review my paperwork to see if I have a case. My parents are supporting me and, well, they aren't the nicest and most supportive people. Any suggestions?

To make a long story short, at the ripe old age of 44, I fully realized that my parents had emotionally, psychologically, and sometimes physically abused me and that behavior continued well into adulthood, creating a very toxic enmeshed dynamic that has had SIGNIFICANT impact on my mental health. Last year, I went out on disability due to mental and physical health issues (including heart issues). They have been helping me financially. At first, I tried being really honest and transparent with them, following my therapist's advice, but no matter what I did they would find someway of manipulating it around that in order to receive the money they would have to subject me to massive gaslighting, forcing me to playing games with them. It's just a total mess. I thought about going no contact with them for over a year. I would do it with my mom in a heartbeat, but I can't with my father. Though he has said so many horrible things to me over the years, he's had such a massive, positive influence on my life. We're best friends. He also gets more of a pass than my mom, because he was raised in an alcoholic home and has mental health issues of his.

Well, shit hit the fan Thursday night. My mom recently started therapy after years of begging her to do it. She told me, "I'm now in therapy and my therapist said that what you're doing to us is elder abuse." As I said, I have done a lot of things that I regret, including using them basically as a spare piggy bank when I was in my 20s, but I've NEVER abused them. I NEVER stole anything from them. Not once. I was so badly triggered. that I almost did a 5150. I realized that if I continue to have a relationship with her that I will end up in an early grave. I want nothing to do with her again. My father is a different story. I just can't go no contact with him. It's just too painful. I love him so much, but he fully supports my mom. He will never go against her when it comes to me. They're a united front, even though at times I believe he agrees with me. Over the years, I've tried to explain to him that mom and I have issues and it's best that he stay out of it. He just continues to ask me questions and won't back off. But I still can't leave him. Has anyone been in this kind of situation before? Do you have any suggestions?

Just to give you some background information:

I'm a 45-year-old neurodivergent woman. I've been diagnosed with CPTSD, depression, and anxiety. I have been in a very fucked up, enmeshed dynamic with my parents for 40+ years, which I only realized that year that it was abusive. Growing up, my mother wanted me fixed, because I didn't fit her mold of the perfect daughter. She got me put in special education, which, to be honest, I probably needed to get through high school, but at the same time was the worst place for me, because I was incredibly smart. Growing up, I heard from my parents and teachers how something is wrong with me. I started questioning and challenging her and every single time it was my problem, my issue. Once my mother hit me with a bedpost, because I refused to clean my room. I ran to the neighbors, saying my parents were trying to kill me. In true 1990s fashion, my neighbors called my parents....lol. The whole thing was my fault. How dare I go to the neighbors. They could loose their jobs as teachers, etc. I was always the horrible daughter, but they made it where I depended on them for everything. They always said "they know me best - better than I know myself."

I graduated with honors. I have earned multiple degrees, but the enmeshment has been unbearable. I moved back and lived at home for ten years. Don't remember hardly anything, but I did find a text message where I talked to a friend how my father hit me. Got out of their place, became a teacher, but after three years of a horrible work environment and multiple health problems, I left the profession. For the past couple of months, my parents have been helping me financially as a navigate my disability. They give me money, but it always comes with strings attached. They basically tell me I'm a horrible daughter and how this is the last time they can give me the money. I tell them exactly what I need and they short change me, forcing me to lie in order to get the amount I need. I let them know in advance. I tell my mother to tell my father I need such and such. She won't tell him and then deny the following month that I ever told him. It's so toxic and I want out, but I need them for my disability, which should come through this month.

I finally realized what they were doing was abusive. That even though I shouldn't be using them as basically a spare piggy bank, I don't deserve to be mistreated. I don't deserve to have them tell me that they're going to get a restraining order against me if I go out on disability because of a heart problem. I don't deserve my father telling me that I can be homeless.

Well, tonight was the final straw. My father gave me the money. He told me all this stuff - how it's the last time, how I'm abusing them, etc. I hung up on him, as per my therapist's suggestion. Well, my mom sent me a message saying the same thing. She wrote that her therapist (which I recommended she sees) says I'm committing elder abuse. I was so badly triggered that I called the cop on myself to arrest me. She talked to him and gave him this whole song and dance how they have given me so much money and how they're poor elderly people who have to worry about their own financial future and how I'm their mentally ill daughter. The cop said they have been really generous, not knowing everything they have said and done to me over the years.

I have decided to go no or extremely limited contact with my mother. As I've said MANY times (I have countless text messages and emails saying the same thing), I've made mistakes and I take full ownership of everything I've done, which is a lot, but they have never taken any responsibility for their actions. If I stay with them they will literally drive me into an early grave. Last year, my therapist told me that she doesn't think I have a lot of mental health issues. That my problem is them and they're right. If I end up homeless, so be it. I don't want anything to do with them.