u/ChadSuRgent

I went on medication for social anxiety a while back, and it honestly helped a lot. I don’t cringe or panic when talking to people anymore, I used to literally shake during conversations.

But even though the anxiety is mostly gone, I still don’t enjoy socializing. It actually drains me. Every time I talk to someone, I find myself just waiting for the moment they leave so I can be alone again.

I don’t even know if I’ve always been like this or if my environment made me this way. I had a pretty rough time in middle school, I was overweight and ugly as hell. Things are different now, though. I’ve changed physically, and people (who I don't know) actually approach me when I’m out (gym, beach, bowling, etc.), people at college want to be friends

But I just… don’t feel like engaging. It’s not fear anymore, more like a lack of interest or energy. I genuinely prefer being alone.

I only have one close friend, the only person I really connect with. With everyone else, it just doesn’t click, that friend is just as asocial as me.

is it social anxiety or am I just more of an introvert ?

I am still extremely confused about how I look, I have a past of ocd and depression, which made me have intrusive thoughts which would sometimes be quite irrational, I thought I had a severe facial deformity and I would hide away and wear covid masks.

After getting treated, these thoughts started fading away

I was wondering how I could tell if I'm really 100% ugly.

I know that male validation is not necessarily correlated to how attractive you, but I pretty much get hit on multiple times a day, sometimes at university too

I don't have any troubles anymore getting integrated in a group of girls, this is something that I feared, since in middle school popular girls were typically mean to me