u/CertainFault9

You know, as a place to be caught,

I wouldn't mind the outside looking in;

Really, I think that might be more comforting

Than feeling like I'm on the inside looking out.

Feeling like some exotic animal in a zoo

A specimen in an exhibit behind glass

With a spotlight on my enclosure for

The viewing pleasure of others.

When I try to hide behind foliage,

Fingers tap the glass until I emerge.

I'm not a particularly interesting display,

Not compared to others, but I still garner

Just enough attention that I long to escape it.

I hope I'm at least fierce enough that

Wayward spectators might pause

Before trying to gain my interest;

There might be a tiny shred of fear

I'll break my cage if they push too far.

Is it better to feign indifference to the cage,

To just go about my life as I otherwise would,

Or to put on a show; act self conscious, or

Perhaps flamboyant if there's an audience.

I choose the former, but I do wonder

If I'd be left alone more by others

If I sometimes performed.

Oh darling, I have been, and we will.

It's honestly crazy that we've managed to hold back as long as we have already, given how this connection only seems to grow in depth and intensity over time.

I'm ready when you are to figure everything out together.

Thinking of you, as always.

Pull me in?

I really wish I knew where I stood with you.

Hell, I don't even know if you're single.

If you're worried about the weeks I'm overseas for, don't be - I'll be with family, my best friend, or solo in nature. I'm both going to be safe and not going to be hooking up with anyone.

I'll miss you, though. I always miss you, even just over the weekend.

Will you make an effort towards me before I go, so I at least can spend those weeks away with the confidence that this isn't all inside my head?

I'd love that more than I'd ever want to admit....but I won't push it, I don't expect it, and I won't pressure you.

Until the next one, darling -

Love,

Always.

As a little girl, I was treated like glass

My father afraid I'd shatter if I could run

Caution ingrained in an impulsive mind

Run into the rain, flinch from the sun.

*

Didn't stop me from escaping, though;

It just changed how I managed to flee -

Quietly lost in daydreams as I skipped

Laps around our weeping willow tree.

*

I made worlds where I could explore

Without frantic shouts of caution thrown

From the depths of my father's childhood

Like grenades of anxiety into my own.

*

Lost myself in books and drawings

As those didn't induce a panicked yell

Or a bold sprint to rescue his daughter

From minor discomfort - the maws of hell.

*

Learnt to tone down reactions for him;

If it doesn't make noise, it should be fine

He needs to relate, or to be able to save -

Anxiety or excitement possible landmines.

*

Now grown, I can understand him more -

Why he tried to shelter me from the world;

He was never protected from hate or hurt,

And didn't want that fate for his little girl.

I like the fact that we have different perspectives on things. You help expand my point of view, and I hope I do the same for you. I think the fact that we don't agree on everything (but are aligned in values and humour) is a great thing, because in these differences, we encourage one another to think and grow.

It's also wonderful because, in these moments, I get glimpses into your beautiful mind. Whenever you share anything (silly stories and anecdotes included), I get a small window into your thoughts.

You're one of the few people I've ever met who has as complex and unique an inner world as I do. I could spend forever learning you, and it still wouldn't be enough. It's in the way that you observe and process things; what you share, and what you don't; your meticulous planning interspersed with sudden impulsivity.... your mind is a source of endless fascination to me.

I'm quietly smiling thinking about you, now; your delighted, louder than usual laughter when you're unexpectedly amused by something; the way you blush and look down when bashful; when you try to play it cool around me and end up walking into something or dropping something; that beautiful, joyful, sincere smile that makes your pretty eyes crinkle almost shut; your animated voice and exaggerated expressions when you're telling a story...Even your wide-eyed, alarmed, tormented expression when you've unexpectedly run into me in those times when you've thought you've truly fucked it up with me.

Through it all, you're still my favourite person.

Time moves slower without you.