i don't know why this is so hard for me but it is, idk what to do, I've been stopping myself from cutting myself again the entire day and if I weren't at work I'd probably be crying like crazy after drinking half a bottle. idk what these thoughts say or mean but it makes me wanna kill myself, or just throw myself into loops of suffering until idk what happens to me
it happens every time i see a girl i seem to like, or a guy being who i want to be (not saying hes actually what i wanna be, but maybe just looks like it. it hits in the first second and puts rage into my brain.
i cant explain in words how strong these feelings are.
and yes i know it might be all in my head but its not helping me with the fact that i lose myself
ive been going to therapy for 2 years (although i stopped going 2 months ago but im continuing this friday), on meds for a year and half.
another this is, i deleted all social media around a year ago but just once in a few weeks i download instagram and i get drowned in reels of couples who look perfect, guys hitting on girls and succeeding with it, girls wanting "men" and it's driving me insane (you probably dont understand why i mentioned this but this type of content affects me a lot)
im losing myself, idk what to do