Abortion support for a choice I never wanted to make
I am 20 years old and 11 weeks 2 days pregnant. I got pregnant 1 month into the short 3 month relationship with my ex. I planned on keeping my baby from the beginning, abortion was hardly a consideration because I was open to taking accountability for how I ended up pregnant and ready for the changes that would come with a baby. I’m the type of girl who has dreamt of having babies my whole life. I’ve been full of wonder about my first pregnancy, who it would be with, and who the baby would end up being. I broke up with the baby daddy 1 week ago today after the relationship really wasn’t working, and he disappointed and hurt me over and over in just the 3 months we were together. Just 3 days after we broke up he was already talking to new girls and lying to me about it, among all the other lies I found out about, despite his promise he wouldn’t dare do that to me during my pregnancy. Since I found out I was pregnant he has maintained he would be present if I decided to keep the baby, but after everything came to light about his lies and his choices to prioritize other women over me and his unborn child I know that I would be doing this alone and would never let him see or know my baby. I don’t trust him, he’s not ready, and he’s proven how much he respects me. He’s lost all access and privileges he had before to me and my baby. I have an abortion scheduled for a little less than 2 weeks from today, and he doesn’t know. I don’t know if I will be going through with it yet. I never wanted this for myself. I still want my baby but I feel horrible guilt that I would be repeating cycles of a fatherless child with a single struggling mother. At this point, I know I would be making a selfish choice to keep my baby. My heart is broken and torn over this decision. I will never get my first pregnancy back. I will never be the same woman again. I am already grieving and it’s making it worse that I’m still carrying my baby. I can’t even handle thinking about how I will feel if I do this. I have struggled with mental health issues as it is, I have PTSD from childhood and relationships from my adolescence. This is a whole new level and situation of pain I’m unprepared for. I wish this never happened to me and that I had better choices. Please somebody offer me support or wisdom. I don’t know how to make myself choose.💔