We just had a baby ~3 months ago, and my wife's mom has been living with us since about a week or two before the baby was born. My wife is from a different country and in her culture the mom comes to the new parents house to help take care of the wife and baby. Traditionally this period lasts for 1-2 months, but, since the visa allowed for up to 6 month visit, my wife and MIL decided she'd stay the full 6 months.
I've never been very comfortable with other people in my/our space, and so from the get go I was uncomfortable having my mother in law here. It has always been a pet peeve of mine. I'm not sure why, but I can't help it. I knew I would feel that way so I just tried to put on a happy face to the best of my ability.
However, recently it's become unbearable for me and I don't know why. She just annoys me. I understand that she's here to help and I love that she has a close relationship with her daughter, my wife, but I just can't stand her being in our apartment.
I will note that she bothered me a lot at the very beginning, then I was doing pretty well for about a month or so (still annoyed but I don't think her voice constantly upset me like it does now) and then I feel back to where I was at the beginning, just really, really ticked off with her, I think, for no good reason.
She has given our baby a nickname and I really don't like it. There's no good reason, it just annoys me. And recently my wife started calling the baby the nickname too and it just bothers me. I suspect that it just bothers me because I know the nickname came from the MIL instead of me or my wife, and I'm just annoyed with MIL so I'm projecting that onto the nickname. I think.
I know that this is a problem with me and I need to get over it because at the end of the day it's a nice thing that my MIL is trying to do and it's more for my wife than it is for me, but I am really, really struggling.
For context, The MIL and I can barely communicate because we both only kinda speak each other's languages, but also neither of us our making a big effort. I suspect that I don't do a good job of hiding that I am annoyed by her, so I think she can tell. Or maybe she can't, I honestly don't know.
How can I handle this? I expressed it to my wife but it makes her upset so I don't really want to do that again. I don't know what to do. I often feel that I can't spend as much time with our baby as I'd like because the grandma takes her during the day. I also sometimes feel like I have less time with my wife than I'd like because the grandma takes her as well. I don't know.
I just need some advice on how I can get over this issue that I'm having.
TL;dr: MIL staying with wife and I after baby was born and MIL is constantly on my nerves. I don't want to be so annoyed with her but I can't control how I feel. Looking for advice.