u/CampaignFriendly2439 — reddlx

Hey, all. I recently moved to a new city for grad school. I don't have any family in the area. I met this girl, I'll call her Hannah, on an app a couple months back. At first she seemed very similar to me. Kinda a homebody, keeps her circle small, very close to her family. But over time a lot of red flags kept popping up. At this point, I think she might be overly comfortable and her behavior has gotten out of hand.

I want to have people to lean on in this city, since I'm out here all alone; at the same time, I know I also have my classmates and faculty if anything goes wrong bc I'm in a small cohorted program. Not to be transactional, but I don't think I can rely on this person at all. I mean, my best friend flew out for me when I told her I felt lonely--I can completely rely on my friends and they can rely on me. But I don't see this friendship ever getting to that point. Moreover, I'm in a really busy, stressful program that limits my free-time. I FaceTime my friends back home and we have study sessions--that might be the only quality time we can spend together. The limited time I do have outside of school, I just wanna let loose and explore the city, or relax. I feel like my hangouts with Hannah are never relaxing. Our conversations aren't relaxing. They make me feel on-edge.

I feel bad because Hannah has a lot of issues. Especially with her self-esteem. Every time we're together it just devolves into her calling herself fat or ugly or crying about never being able to find a man. Or complaining about feeling ill while not eating anything the entire day? I made the mistake of prodding Hannah to try out the apps for funsies because I was on them. She immediately became unhealthily attached to the first love bomber who messaged her and spent two weeks crashing out over him. She went over to his house when I told her not to. She hasn't been in a relationship for a while. Her last two relationships were similar: two of the first guys she talked to, both jobless, but they were "nice." I told her she needs to work on herself before ever getting back on the apps because her reaction to being rejected by a complete scrub was insane. She also says extremely strange things all the time... like "maybe I want a man who has (insert insane viewpoints that are demeaning to women) because that's a real man." I don't even know what to say in response. She's not joking. She will challenge my viewpoints when I tell her she needs to find a man that will cherish and love her no matter what. Idk if it's an attempt to be funny, but it's not funny at all. I can't do this childish business. It hurts my brain. I can't hear about wanting to look like Bella Hadid one more time--like Kim, there's people that are dying.

I also feel like she just doesn't like me, honestly. I sometimes do say "please don't respond to what I say with a bunch of nonsense" preemptively because I can't take the babble. But lately she has been calling me a monkey and I feel like it may be racially motivated, I'm not going to lie. Anyway, how do I gracefully back out of this?