Hello Reddit
Me 25M and girlfriend 24F has been together for about a year and a half now.
About a year ago, my girlfriend (24F) went to a festival without me. One night she got extremely drunk at a bar there and fully blacked out (she told me before all of this, that she suspects being drugged). Later, a friend told her she had kissed/made out with some random guy that night (i think he is random, they are in a group chat with +30 people). My girlfriend says she didn’t remember any of it and assumed the friend was joking or lying, so she never investigated and never told me about this "rumor".
Fast forward a year. Out of nowhere she remembers that this “rumor” existed, has a breakdown, and tells me. I told her what hurt me most was not even the possible kiss itself, but that she kept it from me for a whole year and didn’t even try to find out if it was true.
Actually whether it was true was not important to me, but the fact she kept something which had potential to be devastating to us from me, hurt. I said i did not care about the truth.
On her own, she texted the guy. He confirmed they made out. She still remembers nothing from that night and now thinks there’s a real chance she was drugged. She’s devastated, feels like a terrible person, and says she’ll do whatever it takes to rebuild my trust.
I’m stuck between:
- Empathy for someone who may have been drugged and did something out of character while blackout.
- Hurt and loss of trust because she knew there was a possibility this happened and hid it for a year.
I don’t know if this is a dealbreaker or something we can work through. She said the reason she did not tell me earlier, was because she never even thought about the rumor. As soon as she remembered she decided to tell me. What do you think i should do?
TL;DR: Girlfriend (24F) blacked out at a festival a year ago. A friend told her she kissed a guy, she didn’t believe it, never told me (24M), and never checked. A year later she remembered the rumor, told me, and texted the guy, who confirmed they made out.