u/CYZK85

for context im turnint 20 in august and for a few years ive been questioning if i was autistic and only last nov-dec i told my mom about it and asked if i could get assessed. after nearly 5 months i have an appointment tomorrow but i am genuinely so scared

these assumptions of myself started because ive constantly read on other autistic people's experiences online. ive never claimed to have it because of it nor self diagnosed but it did bring me to read a bit more on the topic and as a result ive questioned myself about it for the past few years

but as it dawns on me that ill actually get checked tomorrow i keep thinking, what if im not autistic and the only reason i struggled with life socially and mentally is only because im just, useless. that i might potentially just be someone who cant get his shit sorted out. everything i struggled with like being orstracised, being made fun of without realising, stressing over so many things were just a consequence of being helpless? at the very least if i am autistic, it at least reassures me that i just needed time to learn how to maneuver through life and i can have that realisation relief the burden i put on myself for so many years

im also sensitive to rejection. it makes me feel ashamed and a fool. if it turns out im just overreacting, im going to feel the same. im going to end up wasting my parent's money for an assessment that wasnt even needed and with my concerns i mentioned previously, im genuinely scared

there are things that i do that make me rethink my own concerns but then i reflect on the day and realise i do a lot of things that other autistic people do so asking for an assessment shouldnt be too out of the question right?

im not asking for medical advice and ik thats against the rules. i just want to know how people handled these self doubts when they were for their own assessments too