u/ButterflyAvailable13

does anyone else struggle with this and is my BPD the cause of it ? I constantly find myself fantasizing about being abused in all ways

I do not know if it’s the emptiness and boredom that make me want to seek strong emotions and intense relationships or if it’s a way for me to self harm

for example : when I’m walking alone at night or in remote areas I wish someone would kidnap me/assault me or even kill me?

or when i start dating, i hate it when the relationship is going well with no conflicts, I either purposefully go for abusive/mentally unstable men in hopes they will hurt me, and I’ll push them to their breaking point hoping they will eventually lash out and beat my ass

Wtf is wrong with me