u/Busy_Reflection2187

Not that important but I feel like I should preface this by saying I'm a young adult diagnosed with depression and social anxiety. Unfortunately I'm not in therapy (yet).

I don't have friends and I spend the majority of my time with my family. I have two older siblings who don't live at home anymore.

I don't really get out much (or at all) but I occasionally ask my siblings to do stuff with me because I never end up doing stuff on my own and I don't have anyone else to hang out with.

My sister has been regularly dealing with migraines since she was a teenager.

I feel so ridiculous and I'm going to sound like such an arsehole but because of her health issues she often cancels our plans and I can't help but feel disappointed and hurt.

I know it has nothing to do with me and she is in a lot of pain, which leads me to to feel extremely guilty, but I feel so betrayed every time she cancels a plan.

And it's probably not true but I feel like this only ever happens when she has plans with me. I feel like she doesn't care about me and my feelings, even though I know it's not true.

I know it's not her fault but I still blame her and am angry with her.

My issue probably lies somewhere else but I don't know how to deal with this disappointment and guilt. I already try not to expect anything but it never helps and I don't know how to get myself to be more compassionate.

I obviously never let it show when I'm talking to her (hopefully) but simply having those feelings and thoughts about her is not okay to me and I want to be a better person about it instead of being so self-centered and feeling like a victim.

Maybe someone has some advice for me.

It's like I can't escape myself. I'm so tired of the way I live but I can't seem to change it.

I'm a college student in my early twenties and I live with my parents. I'm diagnosed with depression and social anxiety but my parents don't know and I'm not in therapy yet (but hopefully soon).

I don't have any friends and my siblings don't live at home anymore. I seldom go to class and I'm at home most of the time. I don't have anywhere to go and although there are things I want to do, I can't get myself to.

I'm so fucking bored and I'm tired of being around my parents all day. I want to move out but I know my parents wouldn't support it, which stops me from trying altogether. I'm struggling with college and I'm not really happy with myself.

I hate my personality. I hate myself. I feel like everyone else hates me. I feel like a huge loser.

I'm not actively suicidal but I feel like I can't bear it without therapy any longer. I feel like I'm going to die of boredom and loneliness. I need help so badly, I just can't live this way any longer. I wish someone would help me.