u/BunnyTakestheCake

I (21F) just found out the guy I’ve been dating is a minor

About a year ago, I met this guy on Xbox. We became really close friends and eventually started dating. He told me he was around 22, and I had no reason to doubt it at the time like he looked 22. Over time, things got serious enough that I even chose a college in his town so we could be closer.

For the most part, everything felt great. But looking back, there were definitely red flags. Some of the things he told me didn’t fully add up. He admitted at one point that he lied about what he was studying, saying he did online college, and even showed me a local community college, so I believed him. Later, he also admitted he lied about his job because he “wanted to impress me.” I told him it didn’t matter, and we moved past it.

Fast forward to today it's his birthday. I planned to surprise him for what I thought was his 23th. He wouldn’t look me in the eye, he was acting really nervous, and I couldn’t figure out why. I accused him of cheating on me there was a lot of yelling and crying. He told me he wasnt cheating. I kept asking him what was wrong, over and over, until he finally told me the truth. He’s a minor. He's a fucking minor.

He told me this right after I had just told him that I’m pregnant. I don’t even know what to think or do right now. I feel like a fucking predator. I feel so disgusting. I don't know what to do or believe anymore. He had a fucking fake ID. He's bought me alcohol I had no reason to doubt this dumb asshole! He wants me to keep the fucking baby I don't want to. He's saying if I don't he'll call the cops and tell them I was sleeping with a minor! I feel so disgusted with myself. I wish I could redo my life. I'm so lost what do I do. I should've left after the first lie but I didn't I feel so stupid.

I want to go to college but I don't know what to do specifically? I just got a job at Walmart so I can afford to go to community college and then state college hopefully. But I don't know what do pursue for a career and it sucks. I'm so worried about AI making the career I want to pursue obsolete. No one in my family has finished high school or did college so I can't really talk to them. Any advice on how to find a career that suits me please?

I genuinely can't believe I made this far. A long time ago I didn't think I'd make it pass 18 and now I'm here. Life feels like it moved fast and slow all at once haha

I’ve been thinking a lot about a conversation I had with my friends recently, and it’s been sitting with me in a weird way. We were talking about the kinds of guys we’re attracted, I said I tend to like men who aren’t traditionally masculine more, a little awkward, maybe softer or more vulnerable. Even a bit clingy or unsure of themselves. That’s just what naturally draws me in. It's been my type since forever now and I guess I just never told them?

But the way they reacted really threw me off. They immediately reframed what I said into something harsher, calling my type “pathetic losers” and a bunch of slurs I really won't say here. I just don't them like that hyper masculinity Alpha thing isn't my type.

What bothered me more was how the conversation escalated. It stopped being about my personal taste and turned into a rant about how men in our generation are “losers,” how masculinity is “dead,” and a lot of other extreme things that honestly didn’t sit right with me. It felt less like concern and more like judgment, both toward me and toward a whole group of people. They even went as far as calling my preference a “creepy fetish”.

At one point, the conversation turned into a full-on argument. They started saying things like men “want to be women,” and it spiraled into a bunch of insults mainly slurs and generalizations that honestly didn’t sit right with me. So I decided to push back a little. I told them it doesn’t make sense to put people into boxes like that. None of us would want to be reduced to a stereotype, so why are we doing it to someone else? We’re all literally in fucking law school! By traditional standards, we don’t even fit into a narrow idea of what women are “supposed” to be either.

I tried to explain that I’m not defending bad behavior, I’m just against overgeneralizing. There’s a difference between holding individuals accountable and labeling an entire group. Honestly, I don’t see why having a more nuanced perspective suddenly makes me wrong.

But instead of actually engaging with that, they turned it on me. They called me a “pick me,” said I was future boy mom? Then told me there was no reason for me to defend men at all. At one point, they even said men would harm me without a second thought, and used that as proof that I shouldn’t even try to see things differently. Then they told me I wasnt “feminist enough,” like my great grandma. My great grandma was apart of the Black Panther. I just starting crying my eyes out. I'm fairly sensitive I know stupid to become a lawyer and be a "crybaby" but it was so frustrating I didn't know what else to do. One of my friends told me that if I'm crying over a simple conversation, why the fuck am I in law school. I just feel like everything got blown out of fucking proportion

What I’m trying to figure out now is how to address it with them, because I don’t want this to turn into something bigger than it needs to be. These are people I’ve known for a long time, and it really fucking sucks. It's been sometime since this blow up argument and I'm still getting attacked pretty much. I don't know what to do or how to tell them that what they say is extremely harmful.

I had my orientation last night for the overnight shift it went great except for the fact that the coach pulled me aside and told me that I need to wear better bras because Im causing a distraction? I asked my team lead and she said my outfit was fine and he's just like that? I don't really know how to address this specifically.

I have no idea why, but I’m deeply attracted to pathetic men, like genuinely loser type of men!

There’s something about that desperate, pitiful, awkward, nerdy kind of man that I find incredibly attractive, and I can’t fully explain it. Like, confident,

masculine men don’t really do much for me. The more polished and traditionally "manly" a guy is, the less I tend to be interested. What draws me in is almost the opposite men with this vulnerable, clingy, slightly pathetic greasy energy type of thing.

Part of me wonders if it has anything to do with growing up around a very hyper-masculine father, you know the big, strong, doesn't cry, damn her the classic poster-boy version of masculinity. It was always annoying to be around that especially when I got older to.

The topic of what kinds of guys we’re attracted to came up in my friend group, and I admitted I’m mostly into pathetic, loser-ish guys. I got the weirdest looks. One of my friends told me it was really odd and even called it a creep fetish, which threw me off, because I don’t feel like I’m fetishizing these men at all. I’m not mocking them or reducing them to some trope? I’m just genuinely attracted to a kind of softness, vulnerability, awkwardness, even a little pitifulness.

Then they started going on a rant that I'm enabling men to be losers, or we don't have enough men in our generation, or that the men from our grandma's generation was better, just like the weird, toxic masculinity that they try to mask as feminism

Now I’m sitting here wondering if my taste is actually that strange. Is it really that weird to find pathetic men attractive? Or is this just an under-discussed type and my friends made me feel odd for no reason? Because I don’t see it as a fetish, I see it as just my type.