Mom abandoned my grandmother
For the last few years, my mom & aunt have been living with my grandmother. It hasn’t been easy prior to that, as my mother is an alcoholic and former addict, who eventually went to rehab in 2022 for the 4th time in her life. I include this because I don’t believe half of what she says.
Anyway, prior to my mom and aunt being asked to leave due to elderly abuse (neglect) when another family member got involved and saw how bad it was- they were arguing very intensely. My mom stole our grandmothers gun at one point and gave it to a friend for “safe keeping” illegally. Honestly there’s so many ridiculous details to this story and I’m trying to simplify it.
My mom & aunt have been gone from that house for a little under a year, and the only people who were checking on my grandmother were myself & cousins- who all live far away. Ordering her groceries, helping her pay bills, etc. it’s important to note that she suffers aphasia and it’s seeming even more like dementia. Eventually it was decided that she needed to move into a senior living situation, and that’s where she is now. On one hand I’m grateful that she isn’t alone anymore, and in a safe place. But it kills me to hear how sad and unsettled she is (it’s only been a few days).
We cleaned out her whole house on Mother’s Day weekend, spent a day moving furniture etc. And on that day, my mom had the nerve to text me and ask if I was coming to see her after. As if it was expected. I can’t stand her anymore. Every time I hear my grandmother sad or everytime I pay for something, I resent my mother so much. She thinks I’m “too busy” but the truth is, I can’t stand hearing her voice or the thought of seeing her. The way she’s done nothing to help this situation makes me sick. The person she’s been my whole life makes me sick.
There’s years of baggage prior to this and I’ll spare the details. I’m just so sick and tired of being angry and sad. My grandmother doesn’t deserve this. She’s cared for our family her whole life, and she’s sitting in an assisted living home depressed as hell, unable to even remember basic words. While her daughters play victim because they got kicked out- for elderly abuse. And the kicker, is someday when my mom needs help- I don’t think I want her in my life. The irony of the cycle isn’t lost on me.
I emailed a therapist yesterday, so I guess that’s a step. But idk when I’ll stop feeling angry and resentful. Thanks for reading if you made it this far. Has anyone dealt with something similar?