u/Brenvixor

I’m the only person in my friend group with a car that can comfortably fit more than two people, so over the last year I’ve become the default driver for most plans. I usually don’t mind. If we’re all going to the same place, it makes sense, and I’d rather everyone get there safely.

The problem is that lately my friends have started treating my car like it’s part of the plan automatically. They’ll say things like “we’ll all just ride with you” before even asking me. I’ve brought it up a couple times and they say they didn’t mean it that way, but it keeps happening.

Last weekend was what finally annoyed me. We were going to a small concert about 40 minutes away. I thought I was driving three friends. Then one of them texted me an hour before we left saying her coworker and the coworker’s boyfriend were coming too, so we’d need to “squeeze a little.” I said no, because I don’t know them and I’m not having six people packed into my car for almost an hour.

She got irritated and said I was making things complicated last minute. I told her she made it complicated by inviting extra people into my car without asking me. Then another friend said I could just “be flexible” because everyone already thought they had a ride.

I ended up driving only the original three people, but the whole night felt awkward. Now they’re acting like I ruined the mood over something small.

I don’t want to be difficult, but I’m tired of my car being treated like public transportation for whoever gets added to the plan.

WIBTA if I stopped offering rides unless people ask me directly ahead of time?

me and Priya have worked together for about three years at the same cafe. We've always had a decent relationship, helped each other out with shift swaps when needed, nothing formal just the usual mutual thing.

About six months ago Priya started having some stuff going on with her family situation and asked if I could cover for her a few times. I said yes, genuinely happy to help. The thing is it never really stopped. At some point she stopped asking and just started texting me the night before saying things like "can't make it tomorrow, you're good to cover right?" and I kept saying yes because I felt bad saying no given what she was going through.

Last month I had plans on a Saturday I'd been looking forward to for a while, concert with friends I hadn't seen in months. She texted me Friday night, same format, assuming I'd cover. I said actually I can't this time, I have plans. She got pretty upset and said I was leaving her in a difficult spot and that she'd been counting on me. I said I hadn't agreed to anything, she'd just assumed. She said she thought we had an understanding.

I told her going forward she needs to actually ask me, not assume, and that I'm not always going to be available. She's been pretty cold since then and a couple other coworkers have said she's upset that I "changed." I didn't change anything, the arrangement she invented just finally got a no